Dreams and Reality
by allon-syandgeronimo
Summary: AU Jily. No magic. Lily Evans has been having dreams every night about the mysterious James Potter. She has no idea who he is and the dreams take place in the 20's, roughly 90 years ago. The problem is, the dreams are too realistic to be just dreams, and Lily finds herself falling in love with someone she's not even sure is real.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: This is my first story published on this site, so please go easy on me. Anyway, this is basically an AU where there's no magic. Lily keeps having dreams about a mysterious James Potter in the 1920s, but the dreams are extremely realistic so she has really no idea what's real and what's not. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Obviously not JK Rowling**

**Chapter One**

_August 4, 2012_

_Dear Diary,_

_ I had a dream about a strange boy last night. He had a lot of messy dark hair, bright hazel eyes, and was dressed like he was from the 20s or something. He said his name was James and he looked to be about seventeen, the same age as me._

_ Everyone else was dressed like they were in the 20s too. The dream wasn't really clear…it was like it had a bad signal. Somehow I knew that James was my boyfriend and basically everything about him. It was actually a really good dream because we went to the lake and took a rowboat out to the middle._

"James, where are we going?" I asked, allowing myself to be pulled along. James glanced back at me with a mischievous grin, but didn't say anything. I rolled my eyes and dug my heels into the grass.

"_James_! I demand that you tell me where we're going!" I cried, trying in vain to sound stern and serious. James weaved through the trees, taking us deeper and deeper into the woods. I could see the sun bearing down on us high above our heads, making me warm and uncomfortable in my dress and heels.

James stopped suddenly, forcing me to trip over myself to avoid slamming into him. I noticed with annoyance and disgust that my heels were now muddy and probably ruined. Mother would kill me for sure.

"My shoes are ruined," I complained as I shot him a glare. He rolled his eyes.

"I _told _you to wear something you could walk in."

"Yeah, well, I had to come right from church, didn't I? I didn't have time to change out of my church clothes."

We were standing in front of a rowboat, which was floating in either a small lake or a large pond. James, snapping his suspenders in satisfaction, led me by the hand to the boat and helped me in. He climbed in after me and settled himself so that I would have to row us out.

"You're just the perfect gentleman, aren't you? Making the girl row the boat, honestly. What would your mother think?" I chided as I took the oars into my hand. James laughed.

"Are you not capable of rowing a boat, Miss Evans? Are you that big of a pansy that you can't row a boat?" He challenged. I narrowed my eyes and started rowing as fast as I could.

_James had kidnapped me from the middle of a church service to go out for a day together. Mother (I say Mom in real life, so I don't know why I kept calling her Mother in my dream) was really pissed, Papa (I say Dad in real life) looked like he was going to murder James the next time he saw him, and my older sister Petunia looked bored as usual. _

_ But I remember thinking it was all going to be worth it. I was happier in that dream and felt more than I did in any of my other dreams and sometimes even in real life. _

I wasn't as good at rowing boats as I thought. James threw his head back in booming laughter as our boat started to rapidly spin in circles as it drifted towards the center of the lake.

"I don't think I know anyone worse at this than you, Lils!" James laughed, leaning back against the sides.

"Shut up," I said, glaring at him. "I got the boat into the middle, didn't I? I just…spiced it up a bit."

He shook his head and laced his fingers through mine. "You, Lily Evans, are somethin' special."

I leaned forward so our knees were touching. "You're not so bad yourself."

James shot me another one of his mischievous grins and leaned forward until his face was an inch away from mine. His breath smelled of Wrigley bubble gum and I could see flecks of green in his hazel eyes. He let go of one of my hands and placed it around my neck, pulling me closer until our lips met.

_I don't think I've ever kissed someone in a dream. Ok, maybe once or twice with a hot British actor in a random dream, but it never felt as real as that one did. Typically in dreams, a kiss feels like when you're underwater. You feel the water on your lips, but it doesn't really feel like it's touching you because your whole body is underwater too. It's like there is pressure on your lips and your brain tells you it's a kiss, but it doesn't feel like the real thing._

_ That kiss defied anything I ever thought about dream kissing before. It tasted like bubble gum and was warm and sweet and left me breathless._

My brain went completely blank as soon as James kissed me. He's always had that effect on me and I don't know why, but I don't mind. I reached my free hand up to run it through his messy black hair. James is one of the only boys in town to not slick his hair back. I've always liked it better that way because my hands don't get all greasy when I run my fingers through it.

He pulled away and rested his forehead against mine, grinning. "Do you think you'll be n much trouble when you go home?"

I rolled my eyes. "James, you kidnapped me in front of my parents. Papa looked like he wanted to kill you and I'm pretty sure Mother popped a vein in her forehead."

"You scared?"

"No. I've faced their wrath before, I'm pretty sure I can handle it."

"You're such a rebel," he teased. I squeezed his hand.

"Only when it's you."

James threw his head back and burst out laughing. "Talk about a cheesy one-liner, eh, Red?"

"Don't call me Red," I said, punching his arm. "And don't make fun of me! It's true!"

"You know you secretly like it when I call you Red, you don't have to deny it," James said, putting his hands behind his head and leaning against the back of the boat. "And I should add that I'm only a gentleman when it's you."

I snorted. "You have to be kidding me. You made me row us out here!"

"I was simply giving you a chance to prove that you aren't a pansy. You failed, by the way."

_I don't know if feminism was big in the 1920s, but James seemed to be a supporter. I'm not sure many guys would make their girlfriends row a boat while they sat back and relaxed. I also don't think boys typically wanted a girl to wear hiking boots. Based on what I remember about what I learned in school, the 20s were all about flappers and Prohibition and the Great Depression and women getting the right to vote. Boys were always gentlemen and girls were always ladies, almost like royalty. But what do I know? I wasn't even close to being alive._

"Whatever. How did you manage to get out of work today?" I asked, leaning back against the boat and tilting my head back to face the sun.

"Diggory covered for me. All I had to do is promise him an ounce of whiskey by this Wednesday."

"I swear to God I'll kill you if you get caught and arrested."

James rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Stop worrying about me. It's not like I'm up to my neck in this bootlegging business."

"You're so cocky. One of these days you're gonna get caught with a bottle in each hand, James, and then what will you do?" I asked sternly. Trying to change the subject, James flicked a handful of water at me, hitting me square in the chest.

I looked down and studied the growing wet spot on my chest that made my bra visible beneath my shirt. I sighed, letting him get away with the subject change. "You totally did that so you could see my bra."

With a grin, he leaned forward on his elbow. "So?"

I leaned forward until our lips were almost touching. I watched his eyes lazily drift closed…and then I grabbed his shoulders and flipped him into the water.

He came up sputtering almost immediately, a look of indignation all over his face. "What the hell, Evans?"

I laughed. "Well, now it's fair, isn't it? Both of us have wet chests."

Suddenly, James disappeared beneath the water. I laughed for a moment, but grew worried when he didn't resurface. He could swim, couldn't he?

_Anyway, when James didn't come up for a while, I got really sick to my stomach. I had honestly thought he'd drowned, and it still makes me sick to think about it, even now in the real world. I obviously can't tell anyone about this, especially my family. God, I would be in an asylum faster than I could say his name._

"James?" I called. No answer. "James, please tell me this is a joke."

I peered over the side of the boat, trying to look beneath the water's surface. Suddenly, I felt a lurch from the other side. The next thing I knew, I was flying through the air and hitting the water.

It was freezing, causing goose bumps to erupt all over my skin. I felt my dress weighing me down, dragging me towards the sand ten feet below. I frantically waved my arms all around, trying to pull myself up.

Panic seized me. _This is it_, I thought. _This is how I'm going to die._

_ Thank God I didn't die, because I read once that if you die in dreams you die in real life. I'm only seventeen; I haven't really done anything yet. I also read that drowning is the worst way to go. You can feel your lungs filling up with water and you still have the ability to think. Basically, you know you're going to drown and you can't do anything to stop it._

I felt strong arms pulling me up from my armpits. I started gasping for air as soon as my head broke the surface and turned to glare at James. He grinned at me, his hair plastered to his forehead and looking so dark it was almost purple.

"Jesus, James, I thought you _died_!" I yelled, smacking him but all the while keeping a strong grip around his neck. He flinched back from me and struggled to remain afloat.

"_I _saved you! _You're _the one who pushed _me _in!" He argued. "And why did you think I died? Did you just assume that I couldn't swim or something?"

"You didn't come up for air! What was I supposed to think?"

Rolling his eyes, James leaned forward and kissed me, thusly ending our argument. His lips were cold and tasted like lake water and I'm sure mine did too, but neither of us cared.

"You sure know how to end an argument," I gasped when I pulled away. He grinned.

"You could say I've had a lot of practice," he said cheekily. I shook my head and shoved him under in response.

He grabbed my waist, but didn't try to pull me down. It was only when I felt his hair on my thigh when I realized what he was doing. Gasping, I grabbed a handful and yanked him up.

"What the hell?" he sputtered, rubbing the sore spot on his head where I had pulled.

"You know what you did. That'll teach you to try and look up my dress again."

"Well, Lils—"

_That, unfortunately, was when my alarm clock gave me a heart attack. Never have I wanted so much to throw my alarm clock across the room and go back to a dream. So instead of eating breakfast (I could eat on the way to work), I took out this diary and started writing. Because I really do not want to forget this dream or James. Especially James._

_Until next time,_

_Lily_


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thanks for the positive reviews! They really made my day. I might not be able to update as quickly as I would like because I have a hectic week coming up for basketball and I recently hurt my wrist when I skied at a million miles an hour into a tree, so it kind of hurts to type. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: If I was JK Rowling, I would've contacted the BBC already and made a TV series about the Marauders**

**Chapter Two**

_August 6, 2012_

_Dear Diary,_

_"You know when sometimes you meet someone so beautiful and then you actually talk to them and then five minutes later they're as dull as a brick? Then there's other people, when you meet them you think, "Not bad. They're okay." And then you get to know them and then their face just sort of becomes them. Like their personality's written all over it. And they just turn into something so beautiful."_

_-Amy Pond, __Doctor Who_

_ I finally had another dream about James. He looked a lot younger, ten or eleven maybe, and I think I was younger too because I felt a lot shorter. This dream didn't show James in the best light, meaning he wasn't the perfect boyfriend that he was two nights ago. I just reread that sentence…I think it'll be best if I don't share this with anybody. They'll think I'm crazy for talking about this guy from my dreams as if he's real. _

_ I think this was when we first met (in my dream life, I mean). It was the first day of fifth grade and I was a new student. Papa had just gotten a new job that made us move here over the summer. This would be the first time that Petunia and I wouldn't be in the same school, which scared me a little. Since she's two years older, she'd be going to the junior high and I would be going to the elementary school._

I stuck my heels in the cement and skidded to a stop next to the bike rack, making a mental note to keep an eye out for my new friend Severus. I climbed off my own bike and looked around for an empty space, finding that the only one was behind a group of rowdy boys. I sighed, hoping that they weren't going to be difficult and that I wasn't going to have a problem on my first day.

"Excuse me," I said, stopping their conversation. They all turned to look at me, which was somewhat intimidating. There were four of them: one with messy black hair and glasses, one with wavy black hair that had an air of elegance, a sandy brunette, and a short blonde.

"What?" The boy with wavy hair asked, irritated. The boy with the glasses ran a hand through his hair and rumpled it at the back, probably trying to make it look windswept.

"Don't be rude, Padfoot," he muttered quietly. "How can we help you? Do you have someone you need us to prank?"

"Um, no. I just wondered if you could please move. I need to lock up my bike."

"Oh," he said, moving to the side and pulling his friends along with him. "I'm James, by the way. James Potter."

"Ok," I said, not really paying attention as I locked up my bike and searched for Severus.

He made a noise of indignation behind me. "Well aren't you gonna tell me your name? That's kinda rude, you know."

"Quite being such a drama queen, Prongs. Get your hands off your hips, you look like a _girl_," the other boy, Padfoot, snickered. I turned around to glare at him.

"What's wrong with being a _girl_?" I asked. He grinned, as if he was happy that I was irritated. The sandy-haired boy rolled his eyes and shook his head like he was used to his friend's antics and the blonde watched with avid attention and fascination.

"Nothing, other than that boys are bigger and stronger."

"Yeah," James chimed in. "And, uh, smarter and faster."

"I'll have you know that I was a straight-A student last year," I argued, narrowing my eyes.

"Yeah? Well we were all straight-A students last year too," he said, looking extremely arrogant in the way he held himself.

"Except for Peter," Padfoot added.

"Except for Peter. So, uh, that proves that boys are better than girls."

_Ok, I know it was a stupid thing to be arguing about. But we were all ten year olds, so cut me some slack. Also, I don't have any idea whom this Severus character is, but my dream self seemed to think he was a nice guy and a good friend. Whenever I think about him, I always picture this dark emo guy with greasy black hair. Hopefully I keep having more of these realistic dreams and one of them will explain who he is and my relationship with him._

I gritted my teeth, thinking back to all the times Mother had told me to keep my mouth shut and not argue. But then another thought occurred to me: _Screw it_. I was going to get the last word and I didn't care about the consequences.

Just then the bell rang. Grinning at me out of the corner of his eye, James ran into the school, his backpack bouncing up and down on his back and his friends following behind him.

I rolled my eyes and walked in, trying not to be trampled by the other kids. I could feel them all staring at me because this was a small town where everybody knew everybody and I was an outsider. They all looked away when I tried to make eye contact. All except one.

"Hi, I'm Alice Fortescue. Who're you?" A perky girl wearing a checkered blue dress said, stepping across my path.

"Lily Evans. I'm new."

She laughed. "_Obviously_. There's only like five hundred kids in this school. You stick out like a sore thumb."

I wasn't sure if she was making fun of me or not because she was so enthusiastic and positive-sounding. "Um, thanks?"

She laughed again. "You're funny. Anyway, I saw you talking to the Marauders outside this morning."

"The who?"

"The Marauders, of course. James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew. They're big pranksters and are always in detention, but they're really funny and everyone loves them, even the kids in junior high," Alice explained.

Realization dawned on me. "So _that's _why James asked me if I needed to have someone pranked!"

Her eyes widened. "He actually _asked _you? Wow! He must like you a lot, then."

"What do you mean?"

"James Potter doesn't pull pranks for just anybody. Sirius Black, maybe, but that's only if he'll get something out of it. I don't know about Remus because he never gets caught, and Peter kind of just follows the rest of them around like a lost puppy. But jeez, I can't believe James actually offered to prank someone for you," she said, speaking almost too quickly for me to understand what she was saying.

"I think they're rude."

"At first, yeah. But when you get to know them, they're really not that bad. I mean, Remus is really smart and an all-around nice guy. Sirius can be a huge jerk, but he's actually really funny and loyal, same with James. Even Peter's not that bad once you get him to open up a bit."

I was getting tired just listening to her speak. "You sure do talk a lot."

She laughed again. "That's what everyone says! You'll learn to love it, I'm sure, because we're gonna be best friends. I can feel it. So who's your teacher?"

_Who my teacher was, I guess I'll never know, because at that moment Mom burst into my room, demanding I get up and actually do something productive today, and I better be grateful that I get to sleep in while the rest of the world slaves away because as soon as school starts again I'm going to seriously regret staying up all hours of the night and sleeping in until noon. Don't you just love my mother?_

_Love,_

_Lily_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I'm back after some severely dramatic events occurring at my school, including a group of my fellow peers showing up to a school function wasted! Yay for underage drinking and throwing up on my principal's shoes! Anyway, this chapter just kept getting longer and longer until it had a mind of its own, hence me taking this long to update. Plus I recently found myself re-obsessed with my childhood crush, Jeremy Sumter, AKA Peter Pan. Seriously, check him out. Day-um.**

**Disclaimer: "Shoot, you caught me. I'm JK Rowling, everybody. Writing a fanfiction and fangirling over Peter Pan," she said sarcastically.**

**Chapter Three**

_August 16, 2012_

_Dear Diary,_

_"Poets often describe love as an emotion that we can't control, one that overwhelms logic and common sense. That's what it's like for me. I didn't plan on falling in love with you, and I doubt that you planned on falling in love with me. But once we met, it was clear that neither of us could control what was happening to us. We fell in love, despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created. For me love like that has happened only once, and that's why every minute we spent together has become seared in my memory. I'll never forget a single moment of it."_

_-__The Notebook_

_ I hope I can find a love like that in the real world. In my dreams, I've obviously got James, but I'm not sure that I really wanted him at the age we were during my last dream. But if I combine all three of my dreams about him, they really come out equaling the above quote. When we first met, he was obviously quickly crushing on me, as proved by his instant douchebaggery and messing up his hair, and I didn't want anything to do with him or his friends. But during my first dream we were completely in love, despite our differences, as Nicholas Sparks said._

_ It's funny how I've started referring to my dream self as my actual self, but I don't know any other way to word it. The dreams themselves are addicting like a stupid reality show you know is pretty stupid, but you still find yourself plopped down on the couch at the same time every week watching it, accidently slipping it into conversations, and looking forward to the next episode. You know you shouldn't like it or watch it, but you just can't help yourself. _

_ I'm not saying my dreams about James are stupid, but they're just that: dreams. Yet I still find myself reading through my two diary entries describing my dreams over and over again before bed, hoping to trigger a new one._

_ It eventually worked. In this one, James stole something that's extremely important to a prepubescent tween girl: her first kiss._

"Evans! Hey, Evans!" An irritatingly familiar voice shouted from behind me. I rolled my eyes at Severus, who shook his head as we kept walking.

"Evans!" He yelled louder, getting closer and closer. "Come on, don't be rude. I know you can hear me."

I suddenly felt a tap on my shoulder. I sighed in resignation, knowing I couldn't continue to ignore him without being extremely immature and rude, which would be stooping down to his level.

"What, Potter?" I snapped, glaring at him. He grinned at me, I guess in an attempt to be charming. It didn't work; he came off as arrogant and conceited as usual.

"I was just wondering where you lived."

"Where I—what?" I sputtered.

"Where do you _live_, Evans?" James asked slowly, as if talking to a kindergartner.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not stupid, Potter. Why would I tell you where I live?"

He laughed. "So I'll know where to pick you up tonight, of course!"

I opened my mouth, but no words came out. I was so confused. Luckily, Severus came to my rescue. "What are you talking about, _Potter_?"

James' easygoing smile quickly turned into a glare as his eyes snapped to make eye contact with Sev's. The two boys glared at each other for a moment before James replied in a falsely cheery tone, "Didn't realize I was talking to you, Snivellous."

Severus opened his mouth to make a biting retort, but I stepped in. I didn't want to cause a scene in front of the school and get in trouble again. "Why in God's name do you think you're picking me up tonight?"

James' eyes broke away from Severus' and again met mine, replacing the grin on his face. I have to admit it suited him better.

"For our date, of course."

He said this so casually I thought I must not have heard him correctly. "Our _what_?"

_I think I was about twelve here and this was the first time James had asked me out. Since I obviously despised him, I don't know why he thought I might have a crush on him, but whatever. We were twelve, and at least he had the confidence to do it. Though I don't think a lack of confidence was ever a problem for James Potter._

"Our date," he repeated. "Where should I pick you up?"

Finally, after several moments of standing there in an awkward silence with my mouth opening and closing without anything coming out, I gathered my wits about me. "Potter, why the hell do you think I would _ever _go on a date with you?"

For once, he looked confused. "Why, uh, why wouldn't you? I thought you liked me."

I laughed. "Oh yeah, it was so _totally _obvious that I liked you by the way I told you I hated you and wanted nothing to do with you."

"But that was foreplay!"

Sev threw back his head and laughed. "Are you actually as stupid as you look, Potter? Lily doesn't like you, and she never will."

_That was when James jumped him. I mean, we were twelve, so you'd think it would be these weak little punches and then that's it, right? _

James reared back his fist and drove it again into Severus' nose. I heard a sickening crack as blood started to spurt everywhere, soaking James' hands.

"Stop it!" I screamed as I tried to wrench Potter off of him. The two boys paid me no attention and continued fighting, well, if you could really call it _fighting_. More like James was beating defenseless Sev to death and no one was helping.

_Wrong. It was an all-out slugfest. By that point, a crowd had gathered and formed a circle around them, pushing me to the outer edge where I couldn't see. _

I tried to force my way through, but the circle had swelled to five people deep by that point, so it was impossible.

"Stop hurting him! Someone get help!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, but it was no use. Everything I was saying was getting drowned out by everyone else's incessant chant.

"Fight! Fight! Fight!"

_This was a pretty stupid thing to chant considering they obviously already were fighting._ _Plus, it just alerts the teachers that the fight's going on, which kind of defeats the purpose. Anyway, back to the fight._

"Lily? What's going on?" Remus suddenly asked from behind me, flanked by Sirius and Peter. Peter wore a similar expression and was trying to peek over everyone to see who was fighting, while Sirius had a gleeful and hungry gleam in his eye, as though he couldn't wait to jump in.

"And have you seen Prongs?" Sirius cut in.

"_Potter _is beating Severus up and no one is stopping it!" I replied worriedly. Sirius' face lit up like a Christmas tree, and without another word, he moved through the crowd like he was Moses parting the Red Sea and immediately through himself into the brawl. Remus rolled his eyes while Peter joined the crowd to watch.

"What happened this time?" He asked tiredly, like a beaten-down father asking the principal what his troublemaker son did this time. Which he basically was, in a way. Potter and Black were immature, cocky, rude, and were in detention all the time. The worst part was that they were also incredibly smart, and along with Remus, Frank Longbottom, and I made up the top five of our class.

"Potter got this ridiculous thought in his head that we were gonna go on a date tonight and was harassing me asking where I lived and stuff, so Sev defended me and kindly told Potter to back off and he just punched him out of nowhere!" I explained quickly, still searching for a teacher or help of some sort.

_Ok, I realize that this is ridiculously biased and the thinnest the truth can be stretched. Believe me, real me is disgusted with younger dream me. But I can see where I'm coming from. I mean, I'm twelve and this guy I supposedly hate is asking me out. I clearly don't know how to respond because this is the first time something like this is happening to me. So suddenly my best friend becomes my knight in shining armor and sort of defends me. He's a total jackass in the way he does it, but he still does it, so who cares, right?_

_ So when my hero of sorts gets punched in the face and basically gets the crap beat out of him by my enemy, you better believe I'm going to get pissed in a matter of seconds, and that'll lead to the truth of what happened being twisted until Severus is the poor defenseless victim and James is the monster, when really it's both of their faults._

_ Just thought I'd clarify._

Remus was giving me a weird look. "Lily, are you sure that's what _really _happened? Because Snape usually isn't innocent when stuff like this happens."

I glared at him. "Of _course _that's what happened! Now, are you gonna help me break up the fight or not?"

Wordlessly, Remus walked past me and eased his way into the crowd. Just like they had for Sirius, they parted for Remus, which infuriated me to no end. Just because he was a freaking Marauder didn't mean he should get special status!

I kept close behind Remus so I wouldn't get pushed and shoved. Eventually, I got into the middle, where James and Sirius were taking turns punching poor Severus in the stomach. The sight sickened me.

I stomped over to James and grabbed him by a handful of hair. I yanked up with all my might while Remus hauled Sirius to his feet.

"Jesus, Evans! Let me go!" James yelled, trying to twist out of my grip. The crowd had gone silent, everyone watching with avid fascination. I only pulled harder.

"Apologize!" I ordered. He glared at me with eyes full of painful tears. I glared right back.

"Never."

"Do it!"

He shook his head while Sirius struggled in Remus' grip to get at him. "Rule number one of Marauding, Evans…never, _ever_, apologize."

Sev was crumpled on the ground, clutching his stomach and struggling to wipe the blood from his nose. A lump rose in my throat, forcing me to look back at Potter.

"Look what you did, Potter. Are you actually _proud _of that? Are you _proud _that in a two-on-one you beat up someone who was smaller than you?" I asked him quietly, so no one else could hear. He didn't answer, staring straight ahead.

"You know what I think, Potter? I think you're nothing but a big bully who gets everything handed to him, and throws a tantrum when he can get something he wants," I continued. "And you know what? You're _never _gonna get me."

He closed his eyes tight while I smirked in satisfaction. He had finally gotten what he deserved. Maybe now he would stop bothering me and Severus.

_This is when I wanted to wake up. I hated myself and the person I was being. I don't understand how James liked me if I was this cruel to him all the time. But I guess it's like that song "Just the Girl" by the Click Five, right? I knew just what to say so his whole day was ruined. _

And then everything changed. Suddenly I wasn't holding James by his hair, but he was holding me in a dip, as though we were dancing. Startled, I looked into his angry hazel eyes shining behind his glasses as he peered down at me with an expression I couldn't decipher.

"One day, Evans. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week, or maybe years from now, but one day I _will _get you to love me, whether you like it or not," he whispered before crushing his lips to mine. My eyes widened in surprise and anger, but he had already pulled away before I could do so myself.

He walked to the edge of the crowd and stopped, looking over his shoulder at me. "See you tonight, love."

And with that, he exited, strutting through the throng like the drama queen he was. And they all parted like the Red fucking Sea.

_I can't help but root for James in this one. I mean, I totally just humiliated him in front of the school, and he totally turned it around, stole my first kiss, and made an extremely dramatic exit. The way he strut like it was a catwalk…I'd say he was gay if not for the first dream. _

_ And might I say, that boy was a __fantastic __kisser._

_Thoroughly weak in the knees,_

_Lily_


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: I forgot to say it last chapter, but thanks for the reviews! It's literally the highlight of my day to read everything you guys have to say. Anyway, this chapter may seem really weird, but I wanted to start to tie the story into the "and Reality" part of the title. I got the idea when I had a horrible migraine a few days ago and couldn't really see or walk and also when my sister told me about her experience with Sudafed. Apparently she hallucinated I was stabbing our dad in front of her while a raccoon climbed and gnawed at the ceiling. She's an interesting 11 year old, to say in the least.**

**Disclaimer: Really? **

**Chapter Four**

_August 19, 2012_

_Dear Diary,_

_I've been sick these last couple of days. It was nothing serious, just a bad cold. But since my nose was extremely stuffy, it made it a heinous task to sleep and breathe at night. To relieve myself of this personal hell, I decided to take Sudafed last night to make it better in time for school. _

_I should've read the side effects before taking it. Along with the usual effects that are in over-the-counter meds, Sudafed also can cause some minor hallucinations. Me, being the special snowflake that I am, assumed that I would not be affected by minor hallucinations. I could not have been more wrong._

_Thank God I took the Sudafed before I went to sleep because I can't imagine something like this happening in real life. However, that didn't make the dream/nightmare I had any less creepy. I mean, this experience has turned me off to actual hardcore drugs more than years of health class ever have._

I closed my locker and jumped when I noticed James' face right where the door had previously been. He had a crazed stalker-ish look in his eye that didn't sit well with me.

"One way or another, I'm gonna find you," James whispered.

"What are you talking about? I'm right here," I snapped as I started to walk away. Unfortunately, he followed.

"I'm gonna get you. One way or another, I'm gonna win you, Evans."

I started walking faster. This was most definitely the creepiest encounter with Potter I had ever had. My vision was distorted and blurry and everything was too loud, as though I was having a migraine.

"One way or another, I'm gonna see you and I'm gonna meet you," James' voice was now an echo in my head. I looked around for him and found that he was no longer there, and I wasn't in the crowded school hallway like I thought. I was in the middle of the street, alone, about three blocks away from my house.

I shook my head and kept walking, trying not to focus on anything because it made my head hurt even more. I leapt about a foot in the air when the voice started again, sounding like it was being whispered in my ear.

"One day, maybe next week, I'm gonna meet you."

I looked up and found I was in my driveway. Everything was sliding in and out of focus and I felt my throat closing up. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a familiar dark messy head peek out of the bushes by my mailbox. I whipped around to see James Potter sitting there with a pair of binoculars trained on me.

"I will drive past your house. And if the lights are all out, I'll see who's around," he sang, never taking his eyes off me. I felt my pulse quicken as sweat gathered up all over my body.

_I think this is what someone taking ecstasy and/or LSD experiences when they're in their high. It's awful. I wanted to die, but dream-Lily wasn't listening to my mental cries for help. It's like I wasn't even questioning the random time and place jumps, I was just worried about getting away from James, who is a surprisingly good singer, by the way._

I was in my room, in front of the window. I was extremely cold now and was rubbing my hands up and down my arms in an effort to keep warm. My legs were jumpy and I could feel my face twitching.

James was now standing in front of my window, banging away on his guitar. "One way or another, I'm gonna find you. I'm gonna get you. One way or another, I'm gonna win you, Evans!"

My vision was flickering on and off and I had to fight to remain in control of my legs. I felt like I was having a seizure or something.

Suddenly I was swinging in the park a block away from my house, seemingly alone. I breathed a sigh of relief, hoping this torture was nearly over. It wasn't. Of course it wasn't.

James was pushing me on the swings. I tried to yell out, but my voice wouldn't work. My hands felt like they were glued to the metal chains, and my feet always seemed just out of reach of the ground.

"And if the lights are all out, I'll follow your bus downtown and see who's hanging out," he drawled, pulling me to a stop. I leapt out of the swing and started running as fast as I could.

_The one thing I hate about dreams is that no matter how fast you run, it's never fast enough. It's like running underwater, but whoever is chasing you never seems to have that problem. It's like the fat kid in gym class versus Usain Bolt, but a Bolt who toys with you and stays right on your heels, never catching you because he enjoys the chase._

I looked behind me, convinced that I had left Potter in the dust because I had never run that fast before in my life. My eyes went wide when I saw that he was right on my tail, laughing like a maniac. Looking down, I noticed his legs were not legs, but a thick black smoke, like he was riding on the wind.

"I wanna hold you tight, Evans. Because one way or another, I'm gonna see you. I'm gonna meet you."

Now we were running on the deserted train tracks. I wasn't that great of a runner when I was running on flat asphalt, so running on rocks while trying not to trip on the tracks was no easy feat.

He was running alongside me and was obviously having no problem with the tracks. "Hey, Evans, guess what?"

"What?" I gasped.

"One way or another, I'm gonna win you," he said. "Oh, and I'd watch out for that train if I were you."

"What?" I screamed, looking up to see a scarlet steam engine barreling toward me. I tried to stop, to turn, to do _something_, but my body wouldn't cooperate.

As it grew closer, I closed my eyes and gave up. Accepted my death. My head felt like it was going to split open. The train's whistle grew louder and louder as I ran closer and closer to the end. I wish it would stop. I wish I would die already. I would give anything to be dead, to end this eternal hell.

I could feel the steam on my face, and as I reached out my fingers touched cool metal. It was like time slowed down. I slowly opened my eyes to see that the train couldn't be more than a foot away.

"Lils," a voice spoke in my ear.

_It was James, but not the stalker James that had scared the crap out of me in this Sudafed-induced nightmare. It was the James from the first dream; the James that made me row us out to the middle of the lake and made fun of me when I could barely do it._

"Together, or not at all," he whispered, giving me a small smile.

"Together?" I repeated, sounding like a child.

"Always."

_That's when we died, and I woke up. I guess it was kind of romantic, if you only look at the end of the dream. Dying, together, with the one you love. It's something you only see in TV and movies, and dreams I guess. I can only hope that my future husband loves me as much as James seems to._

_I learned three things today. One: __Never__ take Sudafed or anything other than Tylenol PM before you go to bed. Two: Never go to sleep while listening to music, especially creepy stalker songs like One Way or Another. And finally, three: Even nightmares can have a happy ending if you look hard enough for it. There's always that silver lining if you care enough to search for it._

_Love always,_

_Lily_

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	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Here's the next chapter. Sorry about the wait but I had testing at school. I only finished today because I had a pretty crappy day caused by the gossiping ways of eighth grade girls and writing makes me feel better. Takes my mind off things, as Harry would say. Anyway, thanks for the lovely reviews! I'm glad everyone seems to like it.**

**Disclaimer: I've actually run out of somewhat witty ways to say I'm not JKR and never will be. *sigh***

**Chapter Five**

_August 20, 2012_

_Dear Diary,_

_ Luckily I had a normal dream last night. Well, as normal as you can get with James and the Marauders. I didn't tell anyone about my last drug-induced dream because I didn't want them to worry about me._

_ Mom says I've been getting quieter and more introverted these past couple of weeks. I lied and told her I'm just nervous about starting my senior year of high school. My little sister, who's going to be a sophomore this year, looked at me like she knew I was lying. We're actually really close, unlike dream-Lily and Petunia, so I bet she could tell I wasn't being entirely truthful. While I am slightly stressed about leaving and going to college next year, it's definitely not stressful enough to become the major introvert I am today._

_ Anyway, this dream seemed to be less about James and I and more about Remus, or Moony as he was nicknamed. We looked to be about thirteen, give or take a year, and it was dark out. I think it was during school and Remus and I were hall monitors or something._

"So, what's new with you, Lily?" Remus asked politely. We were on friendly terms because of the fact that we were two of the seventh grade hall monitors and frequently had to do patrol together during study hall.

"Nothing much. I aced that chemistry test we had yesterday," I replied, somewhat proudly. Chemistry was my best subject. The teacher, Mr. Slughorn, loved me and said I was a natural.

He grinned. "I knew you would. You're the best in our class."

I blushed slightly. Remus was definitely the nicest of the Marauders and we had basically the same interests. That combined with him being pretty cute and being an all-around nice guy made me have a little crush on him. Not enough to go out with him, though. I would _never _go out with a Marauder.

I studied him out of the corner of my eye as we walked in a comfortable silence. It had been storming all day, giving the school building a gray ting. That's when I noticed how tired Remus looked. There's two types of tired: the kind where you stayed up late or had a long week, therefore you are lacking sleep, and sick tired, like you're fighting a heavy battle with an illness. Remus was the second kind.

His face looked harsh and somewhat lined with the lightning striking it in the angle that it did. There were heavy bags under his normally cheerful eyes that weren't visible in regular lighting or when you were looking at him head-on. At that moment, Remus, who was a thirteen year old boy, actually looked _old._

"Remus," I asked in a strange voice. He looked up with a confused expression.

"What's wrong?"

"Are you…ok?" I asked carefully. Suddenly he stopped meeting my eyes. I stopped, trying to get him to stop, but he kept walking.

Just as he was about to turn the corner, he turned around and started walking back. "Yeah, I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

I raised my eyebrows. "You don't look like you feel well. And there's that almost-walking-away-without-answering-me thing you just did."

He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Really, Lily, I'm fine. Can we continue patrols now, please?"

I decided to let the subject drop. If he didn't want to tell me, that's fine. It was probably something really personal. And it's not like we're super close best friends anyway.

* * *

Later after school, I walked home with Alice, who was going on and on about this guy Frank that she was partnered with for the history project.

"And Lily, did you know Frank wants to be a cop, just like his dad? Except he wants to work in one of the big cities like Chicago or New York so he can solve murders and stuff. Isn't that so cool?" Alice asked with a dreamy smile on her face.

"Uh, yeah. Really cool," I answered absently, my mind still on my weird conversation with Remus. Alice put her hands on her hips and glared at me.

"Are you even _listening _to a word I'm saying?"

"No, I don't think you should," I said, not having heard what Alice had actually asked. She threw her hands up in the air in exasperation and stepped across my path.

She snapped her fingers in my face, forcing me to look at her. "What's the _matter _with you today? You've been really weird ever since study hall."

"Do you think Remus is hiding something?"

"Well, the Marauders typically don't share their pranks, you know. Don't want to ruin the surprise and all that."

I shook my head. "No, I mean Remus personally. Does he look sick to you?"

Alice looked thoughtful as we resumed walking. "Now that I think about it…he looks really tired all the time. And he's not in school sometimes because he's sick."

"A lot of people get sick, Alice."

"No, that's not what I meant. I mean he's out for doctor's visits more than the average guy."

_It was one of those glass-shattering moments like that episode of How I Met Your Mother where Ted doesn't notice that his girlfriend of the week talks too much until his friends point it out to him. Then it's all he notices until it starts driving him crazy._

"You're totally right! I didn't even notice."

She nodded. "Anyway, back to Frank. His favorite sport is…"

I started blocking her out after that, not that I think she cared. She was more talking to herself about how great Frank Longbottom was than she was talking to me. I just needed to nod and laugh at the right times to keep her satisfied.

My thoughts, however, were on what I deemed more important matters: Remus' illness. It was not a matter of _if _he had one anymore, it was more like _which _one he had. I was determined to find out, even though it was really none of my business. And I had a surefire plan: James Potter.

* * *

"No," he said flatly when I asked. I looked at him shocked for a moment before quickly regaining my composure and giving him my most charming smile.

"Please, James? I don't mean any harm by it, I swear."

He got a cold, hard look in his eye that I had never seen directed at me before. "For the last time, Evans, no. It's not for me to tell. If Moony wants to tell you, he will. Now stop bothering me about it."

I have to admit, that last comment caused me to gain some grudging respect for Potter. I was wearing the dress I knew he liked on me and I was being nice to him, even calling him by his first name, and he wouldn't give up his best friend's secret. The Marauders must have a really strong bond.

Suddenly Sirius joined us. "Evans! What a delight to see you talking with my buddy James here. Have you finally admitted your undying love?"

I rolled my eyes. "No, Black, I haven't. I was just asking him about Remus."

The two exchanged a glance and had a silent conversation that was so quick I would have missed it if I had not been staring so intently at them already.

"We won't tell you anything, Evans. Now stop manipulating Prongs and go buy Snivellous some shampoo or something," Sirius told me in a pleasant but firm tone.

I pressed my lips together and walked away. I could hear them talking in hushed tones behind me, both sounding really worried. I wondered if it was about Remus and my curiosity about him.

I had one last resort, and let me tell you I was not proud of myself for resorting to it. I was going to have to bully Peter Pettigrew into telling.

* * *

"No," he said when I asked.

I threw my hands up in the air in exasperation. "Are you kidding me? What is _so _important that you can't tell me?"

I had expected Peter to crumble as soon as I put a little bit of pressure on him. He was bad with talking to girls, so I figured I had this one in the bag. While not as firm as Potter or Black, he still stuck to his resolve.

"Sorry, Lily. But it's not my secret to tell. Not that there _is _a secret, I'm not saying that. But if there _was_, I wouldn't tell you because I promised not to. _Would _promise not to, that is. If there was a promise to make in the first place," Peter said; rambling and getting more nervous by the second.

"Come on, Peter. I swear I won't tell anyone. It's just my curiosity," I pleaded. Peter opened his mouth to reply, but the arrival of Black and Potter cut him off.

"Are you serious, Evans?" Potter asked angrily.

"No, I am. God James, you're so _stupid_," Black laughed. We all rolled our eyes. "But really, Evans, what are you playing at?"

"What do you mean?" I asked innocently, twirling a piece of hair around my fingers. I smirked as I saw Potter's eyes following my fingers without blinking.

"You know what I mean! Flirting with Prongs and giving Wormtail attention so they'll tell you Moony's secret…it's downright shameful."

"Why do you use those nicknames, anyway?"

He threw his hands up in the air, exasperated. "That's beside the point! The point is, drop it about Remus. If he wants to tell you, he will, but don't try to weasel it out of us because none of us would tell in a million years."

With that, Black and Peter turned around and walked away, Potter giving me a lingering glance before following suit. I sighed. This was going to be a lot harder than I thought.

_I don't know why I was so hell-bent on finding out what Remus was hiding. Yes, he was absent a lot. Yes, he never looked like he was feeling 100%. And yes, he and the Marauders were acting suspicious/guilty about whatever they were hiding. But that didn't really give me the right to try to force them to tell me. I wasn't friends with any of them and I was only kind of friends with Remus, so it wasn't any of my business. _

_ But give me a break, ok? I was thirteen._

"So I heard that you were asking around about me," Remus said two days later as we were patrolling the fourth six grade hallways. My eyes widened and I felt myself blush. Now it was me who was avoiding eye contact.

"Who told you that?" I couldn't tell if he was mad or not, so I stalled.

"James, Sirius, and Peter. They said you went up to them to try to get it out with them by using their weakness. In James' case, you in general, and in Pete's case…talking to a member of the female gender," he explained, laughing a little at the end. I let out a sigh of relief. He didn't seem too mad.

"Are you mad?" I asked, just to be sure.

He shook his head. "Not really. But I need you to understand it's not something I'm comfortable with telling people. I didn't even want to tell the Marauders, they just found out on their own. Don't ask me how because I still don't know."

"How long have they known?"

"Since like fourth grade. That's when we officially formed the Marauders, you know."

"Oh, really? I've always wondered about the story behind that."

_Remus proceeded to tell me about how the Marauders came to be. It was kind of interesting. Apparently James and Sirius have lived here in town their whole lives and have been best friends ever since kindergarten. Remus moved here in second grade after his mom died of influenza and Peter was the last to join. He moved to town in fourth grade, thusly completing the Marauders._

_ By that point, James, Sirius, and Remus had already become like brothers and had established nicknames. Remus didn't say exactly what went into deciding the nicknames; he just said it was a top secret Marauder initiation. Anyway, Peter wasn't too popular in the beginning. He was kind of chubby and has really thin mousy brown hair and rat-like front teeth, plus he was socially awkward._

_ During recess one day about a month after Peter came, the three boys saw one of the older kids, Lucius Malfoy, and his cronies shoving Pete around and taunting him. James went up to Malfoy and punched him right in the mouth while Sirius pantsed another boy named Mulciber. Remus kicked Avery in the shins and got Peter out of there._

_ Afterword, they all calmed him down by joking around with him and that sort of thing. They discovered he was actually a pretty nice guy once you got him out of his shell and that he had a knack for finding hiding places, which would be perfect for their pranking. They initiated Peter right away and they were the Marauders ever since. _

* * *

Two months later, Remus and I were actually good friends. Along with the time we spent patrolling together, we were paired together for the big end of the year English project on a Shakespearean play. We got Macbeth and had to work together for hours on end in the library. That gave us a lot of time to talk, which is where we became close.

So now it was the end of seventh grade. I was doing one last patrol with Remus, but we weren't taking it seriously. It was the last week of school and we really could care less if someone was going to the bathroom without a hall pass.

We were sitting in one of the hiding places Peter had found last year that Remus had showed me. It was a little dark room, probably an abandoned custodian closet, that had a ladder that led to this cool loft area above the library. Our school was single story, so this private second floor was just a secret between the Marauders and me. Not that I think Remus actually told them that he showed me one of their oh-so-secret hiding places, but whatever.

"So, Lily, I've been thinking," he started.

"Yeah?"

"I decided I can trust you."

_By this point, I had completely forgotten about Remus' "secret." I had no idea what he was talking about, I just thought it was some weird out-of-the-blue thought he'd decided to speak aloud but probably should have kept in his head._

"Ok?" I looked at him strangely. He smiled.

"I'm not saying it to be weird. But remember a few months ago when you decided I had a secret and went around trying to force it out of my closest friends?"

"I might," I replied, cringing at the memory.

"Well, I just decided I can trust you," Remus said. "And you were right; there _is _a secret."

I leaned forward, somewhat excited. "What is it?"

"Before I tell you, I have to say that I would completely understand if you didn't want to be around me anymore or even if you wanted to have me homeschooled or something."

I rolled my eyes. "Please, Remus. I doubt what you have to say is so bad that I'd request you get kicked out of school."

"I have AIDs," he blurted.

I flung my head up so fast I'm pretty sure I got whiplash. "_What?_"

"It's genetic. My mom had it and she passed it on to me."

This new information was not being processed quickly. I stared at him, silent, with my mouth hanging open. Unfortunately, Remus took my silence to mean I was horrified.

He stood up. "I understand if you don't wanna be around me anymore, Lily."

I quickly snapped out of it when he started for the ladder. "No, Remus. Stay."

He paused, hand on the first rung.

"Why would I be disgusted with you?"

He gave me a weird look. "Why wouldn't you be? I have a horrible disease that I could pass along to anyone at any time. You're in danger right now just sitting there because I'm in the room."

"That's stupid. Sit down," I commanded. He complied.

"Did you choose to have AIDs?" I asked. He shook his head. "Are you trying to infect me with AIDs right now?"

Again he shook his head. "Then why would I _ever _not want to be your friend, even if you have a disease you can't control and didn't ask for?"

He was quiet for a moment, and then his face broke out in a huge smile. "You really don't care?"

"Why would I? It doesn't change who you are.

He threw his arms around me. "God, Lily, you don't know how happy this makes me. I mean, I'm still worried I'll infect you, of course. But just getting this weight off my chest and having you still accept me is pretty awesome, let me tell you."

I laughed. "Jeez, Remus, I haven't seen you this enthusiastic about something since we were debating _Peter Pan_."

"I'm still saying Peter was a brat and Wendy was stupid for loving him," he huffed. I laughed, throwing my head back as Remus covered my mouth to stifle the noise so we wouldn't get caught.

_Then it was one of those fade to black situations that you see in movies. I actually liked having a dream that wasn't all about James. Yeah, I still really liked him and the dreams he popped up in, but I also liked exploring my relationships with my other dream friends. I wish I was this interested in real people as I was in these fake ones. Then maybe I wouldn't be such an introvert. Whatever. I'll take what I can get, I guess._

_Love,_

_Lily_

* * *

**I gave Remus AIDS because I read somewhere that JK Rowling intended for his werewolf-ness to be a metaphor for AIDs, like how he felt isolated from society, was looked down upon, and wanted to keep it a secret so people wouldn't treat him badly. Also, I Googled AIDs in the early 1900s, but all they showed was facts about hearing aids so I don't know if people actually knew what it was back then. For the purpose of my story, however, they do.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: You guys, I am SO sorry that it took this long to update but I had some serious writer's block and I didn't want to just force a half-assed chapter out because I usually update on a Monday/Tuesday. Hopefully I'll be able to write more because I'm on spring break. Again, thanks for the reviews, and I hope this chapter was worth the wait.**

**Disclaimer: No**

**Chapter Six**

_August 25, 2012_

_Dear Diary,_

_This was it. The first day of senior year. My last year of high school and my last year before real life begins. It's kind of surreal for me because it feels like just yesterday I was this little hipster freshman who took pictures of her Starbucks, had a Polaroid and thought she was going to be a poet who travelled the world. Now here I am, four years later with no idea what I'm gonna be or what I want to do with my life. I lost my Polaroid two years ago and I'm never really on Facebook or anything anymore. Times sure have changed._

_Anyway, at the beginning-of-the-year assembly I basically fell asleep. You know that half-asleep state where you're not aware enough to move or do anything but your brain keeps moving and you don't really feel like you're asleep? And then in the morning you expect to be dead tired but you're wide awake, but you feel cheated because it doesn't really feel like you got a good night's sleep?_

_Well, that was me today, except I've never been happier to not fall fully asleep. The only difference was that I had a daydream of sorts. Of course, it was about James and the Marauders. It started out badly, but it has a good ending, I swear._

It was the last day of finals and all of the freshmen were sitting at desks in the stuffy gymnasium. Hot summer sunlight was streaming in through the windows directly onto my desk, causing my paper to light up to blinding proportions. I kept trying to shift it out of the way, but the beams covered my entire desk. It was hopeless.

Blinking like mad with my eyes watering, I looked up at everyone around me. I could just make out Sev's oily black head and familiar hooked nose bent so low on his paper that he was almost touching it out of the corner of my eye. He was writing furiously, trying to get in at least a few hundred more words.

"Five more minutes!" Mr. Flitwick called from the front of the room. He was unusually short for a man his age, so he was barely visible over the desk in which he sat.

I glanced back down at my paper and started reading what I had written for the chemistry portion. It could be better if I put more details and effort into it, but it was the best I could do with the allotted time. Sev and I really wanted to get a high enough score so we could qualify early for the Advanced Placement chemistry class, so we had both studied together for hours on end. Not that we needed to. The chemistry teacher, Mr. Slughorn, adored us and said we were naturals.

Putting my pencil down loud enough so that everyone would know I was done, I leaned back in my chair and gazed out the window. The weather was perfect. The flowers were in full bloom, birds were chirping, and the sun was out. It was torture.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Potter having a silent conversation with Black, running a hand through his messy hair every few moments. Black was leaning on the back two legs of his chair, hands behind his head and grinning as usual. Dorcas Meadows, a small girl who loved to gossip, was gazing at him lustfully, test completely forgotten. I rolled my eyes. I honestly didn't see what was so great about Black. Yes, I would admit that he was attractive in an elegant way, but it was obvious in the way he held himself how arrogant and cocky he was, and that was a huge turn off for me.

Two seats over, Remus was dutifully reading over his test, tapping his eraser on the end of his nose. He looked sicker than usual. The new experimental treatment he tried must have worked badly.

I sighed in exasperation upon seeing Peter. He looked completely panicked, scribbling all over his test and sneaking a peek at his neighbor's paper every now and then. I wish he would have let me help him. I offered, but he got so nervous when I asked that he was barely able to tell me that he didn't think that would be a good idea. It probably had something to do with Potter.

"Pencils down, please!" squeaked Mr. Flitwick. "That means you too, Stebbins! Please remain seated while I collect your tests!"

I went back to looking out the window as Mr. Flitwick toddled around the gym, barely able to carry the ever-growing pile of tests.

"You are all free to go," he announced a few minutes later. Everyone immediately jumped up and started making their way towards the door. I tried to peek over the heads of everyone to find Severus, but I wasn't able to. Instead, I found Alice and my other friends and joined their group.

"Oh, hello, Lily. Not walking with Snape today?" Mary MacDonald asked as soon as we were out in the hall. I shook my head, trying not to get into it. I knew my friends didn't approve of my friendship with Sev and I didn't want to get into an argument.

_I think Snape was in a cult or a gang or something. He hung out with these big dark burly guys who gave me the creeps. If I remember correctly, the group was called the "Death Eaters" and they worked for this guy called Lord Voldemort. That obviously isn't his real name, but I can't remember it at the moment. I think Voldemort was what his followers called him._

"Not today. Where are you guys going?" I asked.

"We thought we'd dip our feet in the lake since it's so freaking hot today," Alice answered. "Has anyone seen Frank?"

_They had been dating for like two months. Oh, wait, I'm sorry, this is the early twentieth century. They had been __going steady__ for two months. They looked cute together and balanced each other out perfectly. Frank was kind of shy, but Alice brought out the extrovert in him, and vice versa._

"No," Marlene McKinnon replied. "What did you guys think of the test?"

Mary threw up her hands in exasperation. "Don't _even _get me started on the math portion! I swear to God I was near tears the entire time."

I laughed. "That was _you_? I thought it was Peter!"

"Don't make fun," she demanded, half-serious. "I can't help it that I'm hopeless at math."

_By that point, we had reached the lake that was located behind the school. Standing on the somewhat muddy banks of the Black Lake, we peeled off our socks and shoes and left them on the edge before stepping into the water._

The water felt cool and refreshing on my skin. I let out a sigh of relief as the stress from the week of finals started to fade away. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Potter and the rest of the Marauders plop down twenty feet away under the shade of a large beech tree. I rolled my eyes, which Marlene noticed.

"I don't know why you hate them so much, Lils," she said. "They're really funny."

"They're bullies, Marlene. They're immature, conceited, cocky bullies who think it's funny to pick fights and pants people in the hallways," I huffed. My friends all sighed. They were friends with the Marauders, so whenever one of us mentioned them an argument usually ensued.

To my utter annoyance, I saw Potter run a hand through his hair and repeatedly throw his old baseball into the air, catching it just before it hit the ground. Peter was watching him with avid fascination, even clapping when he made a particularly difficult catch.

Remus was reading what looked to be _The Call of the Wild_, one of his favorite books, and Black was checking out all of the girls who were walking by, looking extremely bored. I couldn't hear what they were saying, so I quickly lost interest and tried to get back to my friends' conversation. Alice had just said something funny, though I don't know what, and everyone was bent over laughing. We gossiped for a few minutes before I noticed something was wrong.

"All right, Snivellus?" Potter asked loudly. I turned to see Potter and Black were on their feet and making their way over to Severus, who looked to be emerging from the bushes. I frowned. What was he doing in there?

Sev reacted so quickly it was almost like he had been expecting it. He wielded his fist back and tried to punch Potter, but he wasn't quick enough. Potter drove a punch into Severus' stomach so hard that his face became even paler, if that was possible, as he doubled over in pain. Black let out a bark of laughter.

Everyone, including me, had turned to watch. I was so shocked that I hadn't reacted yet and was frozen in place. Some of the other kids had stood up and wandered closer to watch. Some looked apprehensive, and others, to my disgust, entertained.

Sev lay panting on the ground. Potter looked over his shoulder at me, probably to make sure I was watching. Peter was now on his feet and watching the spectacle hungrily, edging around Remus to get a better view.

"How'd the exam go, Snivelly?" Potter asked.

"I was watching him, his nose was touching the paper," Black said viciously. "There'll be great grease marks all over it, they won't be able to read a word."

I shook with anger as everyone laughed and Peter sniggered shrilly. Severus was trying to stand up, but Black put his foot on his chest to prevent him from doing so. I was hoping, praying that a teacher would intervene so I wouldn't have to. Call me a coward, but I didn't want to cause a scene.

_I really did feel like a coward for not saving Severus. He was obviously my closest friend, and when he needed me most I didn't do anything because I was afraid and didn't want to cause a scene. I think it's funny how in school they drill in to you how bad bullying is and how __**their **__school is a non-bullying school, but when bullying __**does **__happen they don't do anything about it. Bullying goes on in every school, no matter what anyone says._

_People say that if they saw someone being bullied, they would be an upstander or whatever they call it and immediately step in. The truth is, people freeze. They watch it happen and want to do something but can't. It's horrible, but it's true. And during this dream, I had the reality of my being a bystander shoved in my face. It sucks, to say in the least._

"You—wait," Severus panted, staring up at Potter with pure loathing. "You—wait…"

"Wait for what?" Black asked coolly. "What're you going to do, Snivelly, wipe your nose on us?"

Sev let out a stream of curse words, some of which I didn't know he knew. It was kind of impressive.

"Wash out your mouth," Potter said coldly, kicking him hard in the stomach again. He started dry heaving like he had had the wind knocked out of him. Finally, I was able to get my brain and body working again. I stomped over to Potter and the others, rage coursing through every pore of my body.

"Leave him ALONE!"

Potter and Black looked around. Potter's hand jumped to his hair again, which only infuriated me further.

"All right, Evans?" Potter asked, changing his voice to what he must have thought was pleasant and more mature.

"Leave him alone," I repeated, glaring at him with every ounce of dislike that I possessed. "What's he done to you?"

"Well," Potter started, appearing to deliberate the point. "It's more the fact that he _exists_, if you know what I mean…"

A lot of the watching students laughed, Peter and Black included, but Remus, still intent on his book, didn't, and neither did I.

"You think you're funny," I said coldly. "But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him _alone_."

"I will if you go out with me, Evans," Potter said quickly. "Go on…Go out with me, and I'll never lay a hand on old Snivelly again."

Behind him, I could see Sev starting to try to crawl to his feet. "I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and a giant squid."

"Bad luck, Prongs," Black said briskly, turning back to Severus. "HEY!"

But it was too late. Sev had already gotten to his feet and, to my horror and surprise, pulled a switchblade out of his back pocket. Before I could comprehend what was happening, he lunged toward Potter and took a swipe at his face. Blood was suddenly running out of the gash that had appeared on the side of his face, spattering his shirt with blood. A seemingly split second later, Potter had Sev hanging from a somewhat low branch on the beech tree by his graying underwear.

Everyone except Remus and me cheered while Black, Potter, and Peter roared with laughter. I had to fight back a smile at seeing Sev's old underwear, but I was able to keep it to a small twitch.

"Let him down!"

"Certainly," Potter said, pulling on the branch so Sev slid off the end and landed in a crumbled heap on the ground. He quickly got to his feet and moved to grab his fallen knife, but Black sent a quick punch into his stomach that sent him back to the ground.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" I shouted, hands clenched into fists at my sides. Potter and Black eyed me warily.

"Ah, Evans, don't make me restrain you," Potter said earnestly.

"Stop hitting him and let him up, then!"

Potter sighed deeply, turned to Sev and hoisted him up by his shirt collar. "There you go. You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus—"

"I don't need help from filthy little cunts like her!"

I blinked. A million thoughts and emotions were running through me at once, none of them good. Finally, I was able to regain my composure. "Fine," I said coolly. "I won't bother in the future. And I'd wash my pants if I were you, _Snivellus_."

"Apologize to Evans!" Potter roared at Sev—sorry, _Snape_, his hand curling around his neck. Pure rage replaced the other million emotions that were battling fiercely for dominance and control over my body.

"I don't want _you _to make him apologize!" I shouted, rounding on Potter. "You're as bad as he is…"

"What!" Potter yelped. "I'd _never _call you a—you-know-what!"

"Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look windswept, showing off with that stupid baseball, walking down halls and pranking people just because you can—I'm surprised the rest of your body is able to walk right with your fat head on it. You make me _sick_."

Unable to say any more without bursting into tears right then and there, I turned on my heel and fled.

"Evans!" Potter shouted after me. "Hey, _Evans_!"

But I didn't look back.

_I have a feeling that this dream was supposed to be longer, but at that moment out school marching band started playing the school fight song. I jumped like a foot in the air and hit my head on the stone wall behind me, so I probably have a minor concussion. I have this killer headache, so I'm gonna go to bed early tonight. I've had enough stress for one day._

_Love,_

_Lily_


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hey guys! As always, thanks for all of the reviews, follows, and favorites. I wanted to say thank you to the reviewer who sent me the info about AIDS (I can't remember the username) for chapter five because I don't know much about its history and I think it's really interesting. I knew it wasn't around in the 20's, but for the purposes of this story, it was. So without further ado, chapter seven!**

**Disclaimer: Does anyone even read these anymore? **

**Chapter Seven**

_August 27, 2012_

"_It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are."_

_-E.E. Cummings _

_Dear Diary,_

_School was good today. I really liked all of my teachers, especially my English teacher, Mr. Rudd. He's really chill and isn't too unattractive, if you know what I mean. Anyway, I kind of picked up where I left off from yesterday's dream, except I don't think it was entirely in order, so I was confused at some parts._

I was sitting in an abandoned classroom on the seventh floor, staring at nothing and thinking about what had just happened. Snape couldn't be my friend anymore, I knew that. I couldn't be friends with someone who called people like me that horrible word and was a gang member on top of that. I think I had known it for a while if I was honest with myself. I had probably known ever since I first heard the rumors about him seventh or eighth grade. I just didn't want to lose my best friend, which I think anybody could understand.

Suddenly, I heard a knock at the door. I wiped a stray tear with the back of my hand before answering, "Go away!"

Potter slipped in anyway. "Hey, Evans."

I glared at him. "What d'you want, Potter? Don't you think you've done enough?"

He sighed and closed the door behind him. "I just wanted to apologize."

"Like you know how to," I sneered. He pressed his lips in a thin line before sitting in the desk across from me.

"I'm sorry about Sniv—Snape. I know he was your best friend," he said softly, trying to hide a scowl when he mentioned him being my best friend.

"Why are you being nice to me? It's not like you care about my relationship with Snape."

He scratched the back of his neck. "I dunno, it seemed like the right thing to do. I really do care about you, Evans, even if you don't believe me."

"You're right," I said. "I don't believe you."

Potter sighed and gave me a look. "Whatever. I'm not gonna argue with you about it. I just came here to apologize. So sorry. There. I'll stop bothering you then."  
He got up to leave and was halfway to the door before I stopped him. I don't know why I did. Maybe it's because he was the only one there, maybe because a little part of me wanted to believe that I wasn't just part of some game and that he might actually be a human being underneath all of the bravado and other bullshit.

"Potter," I said as I turned around. He stopped, but didn't turn to face me. "Thank you. For apologizing, I mean."

"You're welcome, Evans. Or can I call you Lily?" He asked, somewhat hopeful. I rolled my eyes and fought the smile tugging at my lips.

"No you may not," I replied. "Goodnight, Potter."

"Goodnight, Evans," I could hear the smirk in his voice, the laughter creeping in. He was halfway out the door before I called him back yet again.

"Hey," I called. He ducked his head back into the classroom, an expectant look on his face. "How'd you know where to find me?"

He grinned and flashed me a wink. It was the same as his usual winks, but it was different. It didn't contain the usual cockiness. Well, yes it did. Just not as _much _cockiness as usual. "See you in class, Lily."

He walked away, leaving me staring after him. "Don't call me that!" I cried after him. I heard his resounding laugh somewhere farther away from me, and I couldn't help but crack a smile.

Was James Potter, #1 jackass at Hogwarts, _actually _helping to bring me out of my shitty mood? What had the world come to? If someone had told me last year that on the last day of exams I would find myself smiling because of James Potter and that Severus Snape would no longer be my best friend, I would've laughed in their face.

Maybe this is what growing up felt like. People change, and suddenly your best friend is calling you a terrible name in front of the entire school and you discover your worst enemy has a spot of good in him. I sighed and stood up, finally ready to return to go home.

My parents would probably be angry. I sometimes didn't come home until dinner because I was hanging out with my friends, but I always told them about it first so they wouldn't be expecting me. I don't know why I didn't just run home in the first place, or why Potter was still here. He usually went exploring in the woods behind the school with the rest of the Marauders when it was this nice out and on a Friday. He never stayed late, except for when he had detentions. And to my knowledge, he didn't have one today.

But I was kind of glad that he showed up when he did. I had never known him to apologize to anyone except the Marauders, so it took a lot of balls to seek me out like that. Severus still hadn't, and I wondered if he ever would.

Severus. A pang of hurt went through my chest at the thought of him. Sure, he was pale, skinny, socially awkward, had ungodly greasy hair, and was a bit of a submissive coward, but he was my best friend. He was really smart and could be really funny in a sarcastic way, and was seriously passionate about chemistry. And I think he really did care about me for a while. It's just that his friends from the Death Eaters influenced him in a bad way and made him turn into the boy who denounced me at the lake today.

Lost in my thoughts, I didn't realize that I was at the entrance to the school until I almost ran into the door. As I stepped into the fading sunlight, I noticed that it had gotten colder as the sun went down further. Teeth chattering, I hiked my backpack further up my shoulder and hurried home. The streets were virtually empty and the whole place was eerily silent. There was a tension in the air that I couldn't place, but made the hairs on my arms stand on end and a paranoid feeling settle in the pit of my stomach.

I let out a sigh of relief when my house came in to view. The lights were on in the parlor and I could see my family eating dinner in the kitchen. The sight brought a smile to my face, and I almost forgot my paranoia.

"Lily."

_It was storming horribly last night. At that particular moment, a bolt of lightning lit up my room and rattled my furniture, almost waking me up. I sleep really heavily. Once, there was a mouse in my basement that tripped the security alarm and started blaring everywhere. My whole family woke up and some of the neighbor's dogs were barking for an hour. I didn't even roll over. _

_The one thing I can't stand while sleeping, however, is lights. It might seem weird but I have to have my room be pitch black in order to be able to fall and stay asleep. The darker, the better. So when the lightning lit up my room, it didn't __completely__ bring me out of my comatose state, but it made me flicker out of my dream. It's like when the power goes out for just a second while you're watching TV and the screen flickers, but you miss like one line so you're totally confused for a moment._

I was standing in the entryway. I was angry for some reason, but I don't remember why. I shook my head to try to get rid of the feeling of resentment that was boiling in the pit of my stomach. It was probably nothing.

I looked up to see Mother, Papa, and Petunia staring at me from the kitchen with varying expressions on their faces. Mother looked expectant with her eyebrows slightly raised, silently asking that I explain my lateness. Papa looked more surprised, but nonetheless happy to see me, and Petunia looked extremely irritated. I had probably interrupted an oh-so-important story about her oh-so-interesting day.

My relationship with Petunia had gotten steadily worse since the day we moved here. I don't know why. It makes me sad sometimes, because we used to be really close, almost like best friends. Now she can't look at me without scowling and muttering names under her breath before she makes a hasty exit.

"Hello, Lily," Mother greeted me. "There's still some food left if you're hungry."

"Um, ok," I said, slightly confused as I walked over and sat down. Why hadn't they immediately demanded to know where I had been all day? Why were they acting like this was completely expected?

I scooped some mashed potatoes onto my plate, half-listening as Petunia started re-telling her story.

"As I was saying before Lily _interrupted_," she said, shooting me an icy glare, which I reciprocated with a sarcastic wink. "Mrs. Filch said that I was a brilliant typist and that if I wanted a job as a secretary, I should enroll in a course downtown that would really help my future."

I forced myself not to roll my eyes. Spending my adult life as a typist sounded dreadful, but of course Petunia would be interested. She had always liked that plain and stuffy lifestyle that would make me want to off myself.

"And how was your day, Lils?" Papa asked. I quickly swallowed my mouthful of peas before answering.

"It was alright, I guess," I lied. "Just happy to be done with testing. It's a lot of stress off my shoulders."

"How do you think you did?" Mother asked. I looked at them suspiciously, trying to deduce what their strategy was. I couldn't find anything. Unfortunately, they were too advanced for my skills.

"Uh, good, actually. Especially at the chemistry portion," I said, my face brightening up at the topic of chemistry. "I really think I nailed it."

Petunia rolled her eyes. "God, Lily, who cares about chemistry. Everyone knows that women can't make a living off of it."

Both of my parents opened their mouths to intervene, but I cut them off. "At least it's interesting! It's not like I'm sitting there in a stuffy office all day staring at a typewriter. I'm actually _contributing _to society."

"You _actually _think you're good enough to be a _successful_ chemist? No one will hire a woman, you freak! At least I'm smart enough to know what I actually have a shot at," Petunia scoffed. I bent my fork back and hurled a handful of peas at her catapult-style. They hit her square in the middle of her horse-like face, giving me a satisfied smirk.

She sat there, sputtering, at a loss for words. Finally, with her face turning crimson, she stood up and ran upstairs to her room. I looked up at my parents to find that Mother was fighting a small smile and Papa was shaking his head in disapproval.

"So," I said, changing the subject. "How was work today, Papa?"

He narrowed his eyes at me. "It was good. On a more important matter, why had Severus been sitting in front of our front door for the past four hours and why did a certain Remus Lupin come by after school to tell us that you would be late coming home?"

I stiffened as the memories that I had lost came rushing back to me. I don't know why I even forgot it, it made me so mad. Me walking up my front steps to go inside and face my family's wrath only to find Snape blocking my path. He looked as sullen as he usually did, but now he also looked desperate. I remembered pushing past him and slamming the door in his face as he tried to stop me and get me to talk to him. Why had I forgotten?

"Oh, uh, Snape and I aren't friends anymore. It doesn't matter," I muttered. They raised their eyebrows at me.

"Of course it matters! Severus has been your friend for five years! What could possibly have happened?" Mother asked.

I shifted my fork over my food. "It's just…there was a fight at school between Potter and Snape and I stepped in. I guess he got embarrassed or something because he called me a really bad name and I just can't be friends with him anymore."

"I think you should talk to him," Papa said, looking concerned. "Tell him how much he hurt you so he can apologize and try to learn from his mistakes in the future."

I rolled my eyes. "Papa, please. We're fifteen. No one talks like that."

"Nonetheless, you should talk to him," Mother interjected. "That poor boy has been sitting on that stoop for hours. If he didn't care, he wouldn't still be there."

"Fine," I sighed, standing up. "This won't take long."

I stomped out of the kitchen and across the parlor, throwing the front door open in front of me. I jumped a foot in the air when I saw him curled up about two inches to my left, but quickly regained my composure. "Snape."

He leaped up and immediately started speaking. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not interested."

"I'm sorry!"

"Save your breath!"

I stood with my arms folding in front of the closed door, glaring at him. "I only came out because my parents forced me to and said you'd been sitting out here for four hours."

"I have been! I would've slept out here! I never meant to call you a cunt, it just—"

"Slipped out?" I had no pity in my voice. "It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends—you see, you don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join Voldemort, can you?"

He opened his mouth, but closed it without speaking. I didn't need him to say anything, I was about done anyway.

"I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine."

"No—listen, I didn't mean—"

"—to call me a cunt? But you call everyone like me a cunt, Severus. Why should I be any different?"

He seemed to be on the verge of saying something, but I didn't give him the opportunity. Throwing him a contemptuous look, I turned and went back into my house, slamming the door behind me.

_That's when the dream ended. I didn't wake up or anything, it just ended of its own accord. I had a different dream that I forgot as soon as I woke up for the rest of the night. It was interesting to see the difference between James and Snape. James might be immature, but he came and found me to apologize and tried to make me feel better, even though he hated Snape. He never tried to make any excuses about what he did. Snape tried to apologize and waited four hours on my front porch, but he kept making excuses about how he didn't mean it and it just slipped out. I think it says something about who was the bigger person here. I hope Dream Lily could see that. It really annoys me how much I argue with James because I really liked the first dream I had with the date on the lake._

_I don't have a boyfriend or really any guy friends, so this is really the only attention, positive or negative, that I get from a male who I'm not related to. It's a really nice break from reality._

_Love,_

_Lily_


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hello, again! I'm sorry I'm a week late, but I had a ton going on with school and church so I was unable to write. I was also participating in the Mishapocalypse on Tumblr, and if any of you did as well you know how time consuming that is. I have to warn you that this chapter is kind of short, so for that I apologize. Without further ado, I present chapter eight!**

**Disclaimer: *sigh* please don't remind me**

**Chapter Eight**

_September 1, 2012_

_Dear Diary,_

_ I don't know why, but I felt like I was forgetting to do something or be somewhere really important. I really don't know what. Also, I found myself straining to hear something like a train whistle. It was really weird. _

_ I had another dream, but I bet that was obvious. That's all I really write about these days. I also have been sleeping a lot more, which my family has noticed. My mom said she was worried about me and my dad wanted to know how late I had been staying up. Even my sister said she could sometimes hear me talking in my sleep from next door in her room. She asked who James was since it was his name I said the most frequently._

_ I felt my face turn bright red, which caused everyone in my family to laugh and start teasing me. Asking if he was my boyfriend or a crush; the standard treatment. It didn't bother me, I just have to be more careful about hiding this from now on. Wouldn't want to get thrown in the mental hospital, now would I?_

I stumbled downstairs, rubbing sleep out of my eyes as I slumped into a seat at the kitchen table. My family was already eating the pancakes and strawberries that Mother and Petunia had prepared and were lively and acting way too chipper for my taste. Everyone but I was dressed; Mother and Petunia in their housedresses with their hair already in a Gibson Style on top of their head and Papa in his suit with his dark hair slicked back. I felt extremely out of place and underdressed, but I was too tired to care.

"You woke up late this morning," Papa remarked, placing another spoonful of strawberries on his plate. I poured myself a glass of orange juice before answering him.

"I was up late, uh, reading," I lied. I had actually snuck out at midnight to attend a bonfire in the woods with Alice, Marlene, and Mary. I had gotten back when the sun was starting to rise, so I was exhausted. But everyone from school was there and I had a great time, so it was worth it.

Petunia narrowed her eyes, knowing I was lying. She opened her mouth to say something—

"Lily, do you mind going to town today and picking up some things for dinner? Your father's boss is coming with his family," Mother suddenly asked. I let out a sigh of relief as Petunia closed her mouth and continued eating.

"Of course, Mother."

* * *

After eating and getting dressed, I hopped on my bike and rode the mile and a half in to town. It had a typical small-town feel to it, which I didn't mind so a certain extent. Sometimes it was nice knowing where everything is and having everyone know you, but other times I hate it. Everyone knows you, but they also know everything about you and gossip spreads like wildfire. And no matter how hard you try to avoid someone, you almost always run in to them sooner or later.

Of course, with my luck, I ran in to that certain someone sooner rather than later. I walked in to the general store with Mother's list and saw him standing behind the cash register wiping down the counter.

James Potter. I hadn't talked to him since the big apology two months ago. I hadn't necessarily been _avoiding_ him—okay, that's a lie. I had been trying to avoid the Marauders and Snape ever since the incident, with some moderate success. Snape hadn't tried to talk to me since he showed up on my front porch, though I had seen him lurking around at night with his cronies. I had seen the Marauders at the party last night, but luckily it was so crowded they didn't see me.

But now here he was. If I had known he worked at the store, I wouldn't have agreed to go in to town today. It was childish of me, I know, but I couldn't help it.

_From what it sounds like, I think the reason I was avoiding James was that all I had ever done was hate him, so I was kind of thrown when he was a civil human being that apologized to me in that classroom. I had gotten it into my head that he was this bastard douchebag who was cocky and arrogant, but now suddenly he was showing some human traits. I didn't know how to handle it because it was completely new to me, so I avoided him for two months. Kind of like ignoring a problem until it goes away, I think, which almost never works, but I'm fifteen here so I think I can give myself a break._

I just stood there in the doorway, frozen and staring at Potter…James. I don't know what to call him anymore. I don't feel like I know him like I used to. The Potter of years past was an asshole and wouldn't apologize to anyone to save his life, but this James Potter had apologized to me for ruining my relationship with his enemy an had sought me out to do it. A million thoughts were running through my head and I still hadn't moved an inch.

Suddenly, he looked up and met my gaze. His expression was blank, but his eyes held a thousand different emotions, none of which I was familiar with from him.

"Are you gonna stand there all day? There are people behind you," he said. I jolted out of my trance and looked behind me to find that there were indeed two people standing behind me impatiently. Blushing, I moved in to the shop and pretended to browse the shelves, not really looking at anything.

I could hear him talking to one of the people that was behind me; a girl named Lindsay who was a year in front of us in school. From what I could make out, he was flirting with her. I rolled my eyes. He might have been nice two months ago, but he was the same old guy underneath telling me he loved me but then turning around and flirting with other girls when I was still in the room.

Irritated, I grabbed a basket and quickly gathered all the items on Mother's list. I could hear the girl's high-pitched laughing and could see her smiling and twirling her hair around a finger in my mind's eye. Again, I rolled my eyes because I hate it when girls dumb themselves down to impress Potter or any guy in general. If my mother was here, she would tell me that if I kept doing that they would get stuck someday or something equally stupid.

With a deep breath, I emerged from the aisles and marched up to the counter. He looked at me for a moment and his grin flickered, but he quickly regained his composure as he broke eye contact with me.

"See ya later, James. Don't forget my offer," the girl said with a wink and a coy smirk as she flounced out of the store. I tried to refrain from rolling my eyes, but it was impossible.

"Is this all?" He said as he looked over my items and started adding them up. I stared at him, trying to figure out what his angle was. "Evans?"

I felt myself color as he gave me a weird look. "Oh, what? Yeah, sorry. Yeah, that's it."

He chuckled under his breath as he put my food into my bag, shaking his head slightly.  
"So how have you been? I haven't seen you in like two months."

I brushed the hair out of my eyes as I took the bag from him. "Alright, I guess. You?"

"I'm good. I got a job, obviously. Did you go to the bonfire last night?"

"With Alice, Marlene, and Mary, yeah," I replied, giving him a small smile. God, this was awkward. I didn't know how to act civilly around him because all I had known was arguing and insults and dramatic exits. I was walking in entirely new territory here. He nodded, and we awkwardly stared at each other until I couldn't take it anymore.

"You were right about Snape and—"

"Lily," he cut me off, surprising me by using my first name. "Stop. You don't need to apologize or whatever it is you were gonna say. It's fine."

"I just—"

"No, really. I'm not gonna say 'I told you so' because it's not that big of a deal and I don't wanna hold it over your head."

I stared at him. This was _definitely _not the James Potter I had grown to know and hate. I didn't know this boy, and frankly, I was unnerved and maybe even a little bit scared. What had happened to cause such a dramatic change?

"Um, ok. Thanks, I guess. See you later, maybe," I said, turning towards the door.

"Hey, wait," he called as I turned around. "I just wanna let you know that I'm over you."

I blinked. "Ok?"

He grinned sheepishly and scratched the back of his neck. "No, no, I mean that because I'm over you, I wanted to know if we could potentially be friends."

"Oh," I said. "Sure, I guess."

Potential friends with James Potter didn't sound half bad. I mean, he was very loyal to his friends, as proven by his dedication to the Marauders. I had to admit he was clever because not a lot of people could get away with as many pranks as he had or was in the top five of their class like he was.

He grinned. "Great. Bye, Lily."

"Bye, Po—" I stopped myself. "Bye, James."

I left the shop with a smile on my face, making the day seem much brighter. That inevitable encounter had gone much better than I had anticipated. James had been civil and friendly; a completely changed man. And now we were potential friends.

I really felt like we were growing up. He had _finally _gotten over that stupid crush he claimed he'd had for years, so I could stop pushing him away so he wouldn't think I liked him back. He wouldn't have to be an immature jackass just to "impress" me; he would act that way for another girl.

I frowned as I started peddling home. James would be going after other girls. He would have no interest in me. He wouldn't think up elaborate ways to ask me out every week and I wouldn't have to find new ways to say no.

I guess that was a good thing, right? No more having to reject him all the time or arguing with him in front of everyone was good. No more constantly checking over my shoulder to make sure he wasn't there was good. But there was still an unpleasant feeling in the pit of my stomach. Something like…loss. Or remorse.

That was weird. Why would I be sad that James didn't like me anymore? It felt confusing and complicated, so I decided to try to put it out of my head, for I would probably never figure it out.

_Fortunately, I did figure it out in the real world. I think I didn't want change. I wouldn't be James' special girl anymore and he had given up on the chase. And as much as some people don't like to admit it, it's a great feeling when someone likes you, even if you don't like them. To know that there is at least one person out there who thinks you're something special and has romantic feelings for you is a great confidence booster. It means that you're important to somebody, which is really important because it changes everything. _

_ Finding out that person as moved on from you is like a blow to the stomach and your self-esteem. Why don't they like you anymore? What did you do wrong? _

_ So for someone who had been pursuing you for years to tell you that they had moved on and just wanted to be friends, it was kind of devastating. I was no longer that special person to him. Another girl would soon take my place in his heart. I assume guys are the same, but for girls that is an awful feeling. _

_ I guess the chase is over_, I thought as I wheeled my bike up a hill. _I won, but it doesn't feel like it_.

Friendships are great, don't get me wrong. But James and I had had a set relationship from the moment we met five years ago. He would ask me out and I would reject him weekly, he would prank someone and I would yell at him for it, he would say or do something stupid and I would yell at him for that too. And then we would argue. Lots and lots of arguing.

But there was always that connection between us, for lack of better terms. Alice used to say that there was so much sexual tension around us that she half-expected lightning to strike around us. Other students had bets going as to when we would get together. Sure, it had annoyed me to no end at the time, but now that I knew about James' feelings for me, or lack thereof, I kind of missed it. I missed the routine.

In the span of an hour, my life had just gotten a ton more complicated. At the center of it all, the eye of the storm, was one James Potter. At least some things never changed.

_Basically, I don't know if James wanting to be my friend and not liking me anymore is a good thing or a bad thing. Obviously he still kind of does because I know from my first dream (AKA the first time we met) that we started dating at most two years after this dream took place. The problem with having these spoilers is that I can't warn my dream-self. She/I had to figure it out all on her own, which would be hard and confusing and would suck, but would be worth it._

_Much Love,_

_Lily_


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hello, all. Super duper sorry for the lack of update for the past two weeks, hopefully since I'm graduating one month from now I'll be able to update for often since it'll be summer. Fortunately, in the time I wasn't updating I was making an outline for this, so I know what direction I'm taking this in and how it'll end now, so it'll be quicker to write. Hopefully.**

**Chapter Nine**

_September 16, 2012_

_Dear Diary,_

_ These past fifteen days have been uneventful. I went to school, went to work, did my homework, caught up on some of my TV shows, went on Tumblr, and went to sleep, which was always dreamless, every night. I was starting to forget my James Dreams by the time I got another one. _

I glared at the back of James' head in frustration. He ran a hand through his already messy hair, something I had hated in all the time that I had known him but had unfortunately grown to love. I glanced to my left and saw Sirius smirking at me like he knew what I was thinking, which he did. I rolled my eyes and resumed taking my test.

I admit it. I had a big nasty crush on James Potter. But who could blame me? Sure, I used to hate him and think he was obnoxious, but some of his most annoying qualities had now become endearing. He wasn't bossy, he was a natural leader. He wasn't cruel, he was just trying to be funny. He wasn't a know it all, he was generally smart. Plus it didn't hurt that he was easy on the eyes.

I felt something sharp hit my arm. Looking down, I saw it was a folded piece of paper with my name on it in a familiar loopy scrawl. I glanced at Sirius, who gave no indication that he had just thrown me a note, before unfolding it.

**Dear Evans,**

**Please stop drooling over our dear James. Some of us are trying to take a test here.**

**-Sirius**

I felt my face turn pink as I slipped the note into my bag, all the while keeping my eyes on my test. While Ms. McGonagall old, she was still strict and as smart as ever and I didn't want to risk getting caught. I hadn't ever gotten a detention before and I didn't plan on getting on now on account of Sirius Black.

I had answered two more questions before I felt another note hit me in the arm. The handwriting wasn't Sirius', but it was familiar enough for me to recognize the note sender as Alice.

**Lils-**

**Do my eyes deceive me, or is Lily Evans passing notes with Sirius Black DURING A TEST?! You little badass, I'm so proud. Anyway, please stop staring at the back of James' head. I find it quite distracting because it is physically impossible to look away.**

**LE+JP=3 **

**Alice**

I smiled to myself as I wrote out a reply. Alice had been convinced that James and I were soul mates ever since she learned that he had apologized to me after the whole Snape situation. Her desire for us to get together had only strengthened when she heard that we had become friends over the summer.

**A-**

**If you were paying attention, you would know that I didn't reply to Sirius' note. And how would you know I was staring at James, unless you were already looking at someone? A certain Frank Longbottom, perhaps?**

**-L**

I refolded the note and passed it to the person behind me to pass back to Alice. I tried to focus on my test, but it soon proved to be utterly impossible because my mind was on anything but science. I found myself staring again at the back of James' head, watching as his fingers curled around the back of his neck as he leaned on his arm over his test.

I wondered what it would feel like to run my fingers through that messy dark hair. I pictured myself tangling my hands in that mess as we leaned in, our lips getting closer and closer until finally—

"Miss Evans, what is that you've got there?" Ms. McGonagall's sharp voice broke through my daydream. I blinked as everyone turned to stare at me, some not so discreetly.

I swallowed. "W-What?"

"There, in your lap, is a piece of paper. Are you cheating?" She asked sternly.

"No! God, no," I said quickly, shaking my head.

"Then what is it, a note?"

I glanced down at my lap to see a reply from Alice that I had not noticed in the midst of my daydream about James Potters' hair. A sense of dread filled me as Ms. McGonagall made her way to my desk. I hadn't read the reply. I had no idea what Alice had said.

She held out her old weathered hand. "Give it here, Miss Evans. Are there any more?"

"No," I replied evenly, unconsciously looking towards my bag. Ms. McGonagall pursed her lips and heaved my bag onto my desk with a loud thump. Tests long forgotten, everyone was now staring at my little spectacle.

My heart sank further as Ms. McGonagall retrieved the two other folded papers from the depths of my bag and unfolded the first one from Sirius, who was struggling not to laugh.

Clearing her throat, McGonagall started to read. "Dear Evans. Please stop drooling over our dear James. Some of us are trying to take a test here. From, Sirius."

She paused as everyone sans James and I burst in to laughter. She looked to Sirius. "You, I presume?"

Sirius nodded as McGonagall put her note in her pocket. I had a suspicion that James was looking my way, so I kept my head down as my face flashed with heat.

"Do my eyes deceive me, or is Lily Evans passing notes with Sirius Black DURING A TEST?!" Ms. McGonagall continued, raising her voice where Alice had written in all capitals. A few people laughed, but quickly quieted down so that he could continue. "You little badass, I'm so proud."

It felt and sounded odd to hear a swear come out of old Ms. McGonagall's mouth, almost like hearing a young child swear.

"Anyway, please stop staring at the back of James' head. I find it quite distracting because it is physically impossible to look away. LE plus JP equals heart. Alice." The class was now roaring at my utter embarrassment, causing my face to achieve a shade of redness I didn't think possible. I could feel James' eyes boring into my skull as I closed my eyes and put my head down on my desk.

"A. If you were paying attention, you would know that I didn't reply to Sirius' note. And how would you know if I was staring at James, unless you were already looking at someone? A certain Frank Longbottom, perhaps? L."

I opened one eye to see Frank's confused and pink face staring at someone behind me; Alice. I thought she had made it completely obvious that she had liked him for ages, but apparently not. Maybe one good thing would come out of this hellhole and they would finally get together.

The room was dead silent as Ms. McGonagall opened her mouth to read the last note, the one I had yet to read. Hopefully it wasn't something more embarrassing than Alice's note, but luckily or unluckily that bar was set pretty high.

"Lily…obviously I was staring at Frank. The point is, why don't _you _grow a pair and make a move on Potter?"

I let out a deep breath. That wasn't so bad. Alice had been known to say far more vulgar things before.

"Alright, everyone, back to your tests. Lily, Sirius, and Alice, stay after class," Ms. McGonagall said as she put my notes back on my desk and walked away. After a few moments everyone settled down and started doing their tests again. I grabbed my pencil and tried to focus, but my thoughts again strayed elsewhere.

I would most likely get a detention. There was no use denying or worrying about it. Yeah, my parents would be a little upset that their darling youngest daughter had received her first detention and Petunia would probably scoff that _she _had never gotten one, but it was bound to happen someday. They would probably be a little disappointed in me, but it wasn't something I couldn't handle.

The problem, as it usually is, was James. I had no idea what he was going to do after class now that he knew that I liked him, and that terrified me. What if he didn't want to be friends because he had moved on and it would be too weird? What if he told me that he _did _like me, but then we broke up and could never be friends again? I honestly think that would kill me. James had been a better friend to me in these past couple months than Snape had been in a couple years. I couldn't lose someone like that, not again.

Maybe that's why I'm starting to have trust issues. Maybe that's why I'm scared to go steady with James, because deep down I think he'll hurt me like Snape did. I hate admitting it, but that whole situation with Snape messed me up pretty bad for a while.

I was so deep in thought that I didn't even hear Ms. McGonagall tell us to put our pencils down or to turn in our test and pack up our things until Alice tapped me on the shoulder.

"What?" I asked, slightly dazed. She looked concerned.

"Did you not hear McGonagall just tell us to turn in our tests?" She asked, eyebrows scrunched in confusion. I shook my head and stared down at the unanswered questions on my paper.

"Uh, no, sorry I wasn't really paying attention. Lost in thought, you know," I replied, giving her a weak smile. "I dunno what came over me."

As we walked to the front of the room to turn in our tests, Alice gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Don't worry about McGonagall. It's just one detention, how bad can it be, right?"

"Right," I answered, handing the unfinished test to Ms. McGonagall and avoiding her eyes. Alice and I returned to our seats until the bell rang and everyone else filed out, leaving us with Sirius and Ms. McGonagall.

She stood up from her desk and fixed us with a cold steely stare. "Note passing is not and will never be tolerated in this class, _especially _during a test. I expected better of you three and am very disappointed in you. You each will have a separate detention. Miss Fortescue, you will be on Wednesday in the library, Mr. Black will be on Thursday in the custodial offices, and Miss Evans will be in the trophy room on Friday. I hope that this will not happen again."

"Yes, Ms. McGonagall," we all said in unison, our heads bent and tucked into our chests while Sirius fought back a grin.

Sirius bolted out the door right away, probably to find the rest of the Marauders and plan some new elaborate prank, while Alice and I grabbed our things and walked out together. We had not walked three feet in to the hallway before a voice jumped out at us from our left.

"Lily," James said quietly. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

"I'll meet you at lunch," Alice said, grinning at me slyly. I rolled my eyes and turned to face James with a slightly uncomfortable smile on my face,

"Yeah? What's up?" I asked innocently. I could tell James saw through my façade as his eyebrow went up.

"What happened in there?"

I moved my hair out of my eyes and avoided eye contact. "Just got caught passing notes. No big deal."

He shot me a look. "You know what I mean. Is what those notes said true?"

"Well yeah. It's completely obvious isn't it?" I asked. James got a weird expression on his face that I couldn't decipher. "Alice has the _biggest _crush on Frank Longbottom."

His face fell slightly, though I don't know why, and quickly morphed into a mask of indifference. "Yeah. Yeah it's really obvious. She should just tell Frank if she likes him or not because he's probably really confused."

I smiled. "Exactly! They'd be adorable together. Too bad they can't open their eyes and see what everyone else has been seeing for years."

"Is there anything else you wanted to talk to me about, James?" I asked, relieved that he wasn't pushing me in to talking about my implied feelings for him.

He shook his head and gave me a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "No. No, that's it. I'll, uh, see you in chemistry, ok?"

"Aren't you going to lunch?"

"Uh, no. I have something I need to take care of first," James replied, shifting his bag as he turned and started towards the staircase.

"Wait, James!" I called. He stopped and looked at me over his shoulder. "D'you want me to tell the Marauders where you're going?"

"No. They'll figure it out." And then he was gone, his footsteps echoing up the staircase above me.

I was confused about James' odd behavior, but I quickly shook it off and dismissed it as stress from a long week and headed off to lunch. If James was bugged by something, he'd tell me.

_I am such an idiot. It is SO FREAKING OBVIOUS that James was looking for me to say that I DID like him, and then he'd say he liked me too and we'd kiss and get married and have a dozen children and live happily ever after the end. But NO, the Lily Evans of my dreams had to be a major DUMBASS and couldn't manage to pick up on James' not-so-subtle hints. I swear to God if I was reading this as a book or watching it as a movie I would be ripping my hair out right now and would curse the writer for making it so god damn difficult for these people to become canon. There is only so much sexual tension I can take before I implode, and that scene in the hallway about did me in. I mean I guess just reading it wouldn't be so bad, but I was LIVING it. I could practically pick the awkwardness and sexual tension out of the air, which I bet Dream Lily couldn't._

_More Annoyed Than I've Ever Been With Myself Even Though It Was A Dream,_

_Lily Evans_


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Okay, I meant to update on May 2 because of the 15th anniversary of the Final Battle, but it didn't work out. I'm only a half hour off, so it doesn't really matter that much. Anyway, happy/sad 15th anniversary! I, for one, still haven't gotten over everyone's deaths. As always, thanks for the reviews!**

**Chapter Ten**

September 19, 2012

_Dear Diary,_

_ You know that feeling you get when someone's watching you? It's like a little itch on the back of your neck and it makes your heart beat faster. You keep looking around, but you don't know why. It's like an instinct of some sort._

_ That was me while I was visiting the old secondhand bookstore downtown today. I hadn't been in the store in a while because I've been so busy with school and work, but I had some time today so I decided to pop in there and see if they had anything good. _

I set my pencil down having given up on finishing my essay tonight. It was eleven o'clock, I was tired, and the warm air was pouring onto my face from my open window in front of me. I closed my eyes, breathing it in. It smelled like summer, which was a short two weeks away.

I put my head down on my folded arms, keeping my eyes closed, and listened to the sound of the wind whistling through the trees and the frogs croaking outside. As my eyelids got heavier, I promised myself that I would only lay here for five minutes and then I would finish my essay.

"Lily," a deep voice whispered. My eyes shot open as I jerked up in my chair, wincing as my bones cracked and my muscles groaned in protest.

There was a figure about five feet in front of me, sitting in the branches of the tree in my front yard. It scared me for a moment as I felt the adrenaline start to course through my veins and my heart start to beat out of my chest, but I soon recognized the eternally messy hair and the glint of the moonlight off the round glasses of James Potter.

"What're you doing here?" I whispered quickly. "It's the middle of the night!"

He pushed past me and tried to climb into my room, only to get his foot caught on the windowsill, trip over my desk, and fall with a loud boom right in front of me. I clapped my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing and further raising the chance that someone would wake up.

James stood up and brushed off his pants, making me realize that he was dressed in a crisp black suit and bow tie with a black fedora on his head. "Why are you all dressed up?"

"Fancy going to a party tonight?" He asked, taking off his hat and setting it on my desk as though he had not fallen into my room not a minute before.

"Party? What are you talking about?"

"A party boat is sailing out in the harbor by my house as we speak. It's very exclusive—neither mine nor Sirius' parents got invited, and it's hosted by some millionaire, so I wanted to know if you wanted to go. As my date," James explained as he walked around my room, looking at my things. The Potters and the Blacks were both very noble and high class families, each owning estates all over the country, so this fact was very surprising.

I took a framed picture of Alice and me out of his hands. "Do you mind? And I'm not saying I'll go with you—because it's nearly midnight and I have no desire in sneaking around town—but why would you want to go anyway?"

He picked up my copy of _Peter Pan _and leafed through it. "Because I wasn't invited, of course. I wanna see what the fuss is about. So get dressed…I'll wait out on the front lawn."

I rolled my eyes. "This is ridiculous! You can't possibly expect me to just drop everything and go sneaking onto a boat in the middle of the night!"

"Come on! Live a little. It'll be fun, I swear."

As he was speaking, he had put his hands on my shoulders, causing my stomach to flutter a little. It had been months since the incident where I had gotten my first detention and I still had a throbbing crush on James. After our conversation in the hall after class, he had been somewhat distant for weeks, though I don't know why, but now we were back to normal and closer than ever.

I sighed. "Fine, I'll go. But we have to be back by the time the sun starts to rise, because I _really _don't want to get caught."

He smiled, grabbed his hat, put it on, and walked over to my wardrobe. He threw it open and stood in front of it for a while, not saying anything.

"What are you doing?" I asked after a while.

"Looking for a dress," he murmured.

"And what do _you _know about dresses?" I scoffed. He shot me a look.

"Oh nothing, other than that I grew up going to these types of parties and therefore know exactly what women are expected to wear," James replied before turning back to face my clothes. I made a face at his turned back and sat down on my bed, watching him.

After a few moments, he made a quiet sound of victory and snatched a dress from deep within my closet. "This is the one, Lils. You'll look fantastic."

I studied it. "I wore that to my grandfather's funeral."

"And now it will be remembered for a happy occasion rather than a sad one! Do you have shoes?"

I didn't, but decided that I could borrow a pair of my mother's. "I suppose."

He grinned at me and moved towards my window. "I'll just wait outside then."

"Yeah, well keep close because this dress buttons up in the back so I'll need your help."

He visibly swallowed as he climbed atop my desk and stuck one leg out the window. "Of course."

He catapulted himself out of the window and disappeared into the darkness. I leaned out to see if he was ok so find that he had hit the trunk and was currently wrapped around it, hanging on for dear life. I laughed quietly before shutting my window and closing the curtains.

I slipped off my pajamas and threw them on my bed, staring at the dress, concerned. I hadn't worn it for at least a year, so I had no idea if it fit or not. I knew I hadn't grown more than an inch, but I had no idea about how my weight had changed.

Steeling myself for potential disappointment and praying to God that it would fit, I slipped the silky and gauzy black dress over my head and moved it to the right places on my body. I breathed a sigh of relief as I gazed at myself in my bedroom mirror; it fit, if not a little bit more snug than I remembered. I also put on a pair of black heels and tights, both scarcely used as I didn't usually go to lavish parties.

I opened my window again and leaned out into the night. "James! I'm ready!"

A few moments later, he stuck his head in and pushed himself again into my room. This time, fortunately, he landed somewhat on his feet and didn't make as much noise. As he looked at me I saw his eyebrows disappear behind his hair and his mouth slightly drop open in a comical _O_.

"Wow," he said, pushing his glasses further up his nose. "You clean up nice, Evans."

I curtsied. "Why thank you, Potter. I do try, sometimes, ya know."

He laughed. "Well, do it more often, will you? Not in front of the other guys, though. Wouldn't want them to think dirty about you."

"Yes, and it's completely fine for _you _to think dirty of me, is it, James?" I asked sarcastically. He grinned as he moved to my back to button up my dress.

I bit my lip as I felt his warm fingers ghost over my spine. "Lily, you could be wearing a potato sack and that wouldn't stop me. I don't need the dress."

I smiled to myself, loving the feeling of his hands at my back and his breath on my neck. "Clearly."

His hands came to rest around my waist, not that I minded. "What d'you mean by that?"

I snorted. "You know what I mean. Is that a cigar in your pocket or are you happy to see me?"

I could practically hear James rolling his eyes behind me as he spun me around to face him. I was laughing, so I didn't realize how close we were until my hands came to rest on his chest and his on my waist. I looked up and saw that his face was extremely close to mine. I had long since stopped laughing, unable to break eye contact. Nor, it seemed, was he.

After what seemed like an eternity, he released his hold on my waist. "We should go. The boat will be leaving soon."

_The store has been in this one family for generations, passed down from son to son, which I find to be kind of cool. I don't remember their last name, but the oldest living owner was the son of the original owner. I've never met or seen him, but I know from pictures that he's old and in a wheelchair and that the current owner loves him to death. _

_ Anyway, there I was checking in the science fiction section for new Doctor Who books when I get that prickly adrenaline feeling I described three paragraphs ago. I tried to shake it off, but eventually I started looking around to see who was staring at me, only to find that it was the old guy in the wheelchair. _

_ I gave him a smile, turned around and continued what was to be my unsuccessful search. Out of the corner of my eye I could see the old man wheeling himself closer and closer to me. Panic shot through me, but I quickly eased it away. This was an old man; he was no threat. I could outrun him easily and was much stronger than him. He probably just wanted to check out the shelf I was looking through, right?_

_ "Hello," he suddenly said from my left. I looked to see him staring at me with a set of green blue eyes that held a range of emotions, from wonder to confusion to one of remembrance. _

_ "Hi," I said politely, pretending to read the back of an old and battered copy of __The Time Machine__. _

_ Several moments passed before he spoke again. "You might not know me, but I'm one of the owners here. My son tells me you come here often."_

_ I looked over at him and gave him a smile I reserved for old people and little kids to let them know I was a good person. "Yeah, I love it here. You have a nice selection."_

_ He stuck out his hand for me to shake. It was old and weathered, covered in callouses probably caused by turning the pages of so many books. I shook it firmly before putting the book back on the shelf. "I don't believe I caught your name?"_

_ I know you're not supposed to give out your full name to creepy old men, but something inside me told me that I should. "Lily Evans, sir."_

_ His mouth dropped open as he sputtered. "N-no, that's impossible."_

We were sneaking across the Potter's lawn, aided only by the moonlight. I had never seen his house, or rather, estate before, and I was utterly shocked. I knew James was rich, but I had no idea apparently just _how _rich. The sprawling grounds had a thick forest to the left and the lake to the right. The grass was well-manicured and I could just make out the beds of flowers in full bloom.

"How much farther?" I asked, unsticking my heels from the ground yet again as I struggled to keep up.

"Not too bad. Hurry up, though, or the boat will be too far gone."

I could see the twinkling lights of the party boat off in the distance, far enough away to look like a firefly lighting up the night sky.

"How are we even gonna get to the boat? 'Cause I'm not swimming, if that's what you're thinking."

He snorted. "Don't be ridiculous. What kind of gentleman would I be if I made you swim all the way there? No, I have a rowboat we can use."

"Gentleman? Since when are you a gentleman?"

"I've always been a gentleman!" James argued, indignant. "I have defended your honor on multiple occasions, I hold open the door for you, and I let you have the comfy chair in the rec room! There is no way I'm _not _a gentleman."

"James, you _defend my honor_ by threatening to punch the boys who so much as look at me, you hold open the door for me so you can stare at my butt as I walk in, and you're banned from the rec room on account of you and the Marauders _almost setting it on fire last year_," I said, laughter in my voice.

"That was a complete misunderstanding, and you know it. How were we supposed to know wallpaper was flammable?"

I shook my head. "Common sense! It's in the name! Wall_paper_! And what kind of idiots play flaming darts without a board anyway?"

"We were bored! It was Sirius' idea anyway, I just went along with it. But it was like we were just sitting around waiting for you and Remus to come back from patrols with absolutely nothing to do, so really it was your fault," James explained with a self-satisfied smirk.

I reached over and shoved his shoulder, making him trip and almost fall over an unseen tree stump. "My fault?! I came back to the rec room to see you and Sirius and Peter sitting in front of the door with soot all over your faces! God, Ms. McGonagall was _so _angry."

"Dumbledore thought it was funny, I could tell. When McGonagall was yelling at us about detentions and beatings and the usual I swear I saw him smile under that huge beard of his."

By this point, we were at the dock and heading towards James' rowboat. I saw through the darkness that it had a rather odd name painted in gold on the side of the otherwise maroon and white boat. "What's a Gryffindor?"

James paused in untying the boat from the dock. "What? Oh, nothing. Sirius and I made it up when we were kids. After Godric Gryffindor, the famous general, you know?"

I shook my head that I hadn't. "Why did you name your boat after a general?"

He shrugged. "Gryffindor was kind of known for being really brave and leading his men into really dangerous battles and missions. Some people thought he was reckless, but I guess that's what Sirius and I loved about him. He was reckless, like us, but he was a hero."

I nodded. I liked knowing little things about James, especially from his childhood. It made me feel closer to him somehow.

He knelt down and steadied the boat against the dock with one hand and held the other out to me. "My lady? Dost thee require assistance?"

With these heels, I would probably kill myself trying to get into this boat. If the shoes didn't kill me, my dress would get caught on the wood of the dock and would tear, leaving me either exposed to James or in the water or both. But I was stubborn and independent, so I refused.

Stumbling only slightly, I seated myself down onto the bench and looked up at the stars. I didn't know any of the constellations, but they were beautiful nonetheless.

"Whatcha lookin' at?" James asked as he seated himself opposite me, grabbed the oars, and began to row.

"The stars. I wish I knew astronomy."

James looked up towards the sky. "Well, see that one there?"

I looked to the cluster of stars in which he was referring to. "Yeah."

"Well, that one's Prongs. It was named after a devilishly handsome man who was also wickedly charming and brilliant. He lusted after the fair maiden, Lily, for many years, but she always turned him down. He died in a fierce battle defending her honor against the other evil boys," he explained, face completely serious. I rolled my eyes and laughed.

"Admit it. You don't know any more about astronomy than I do," I accused.

"Whatever. We're basically here, you know, so pipe down. I don't want the other guests to hear us," James whispered. I looked up to see that we were really close to the boat, only about ten feet away, and that I could hear the music, laughter, and tinkling glasses from here.

"How are we getting on?" I asked.

"I'll tie this to the back or somewhere and then we'll just climb aboard and hpe no one notices us."

Five minutes later, I was fixing my hair and smoothing out my dress as James made sure that the boat was tied up tight. An older woman decorated with jewels was looking at me with a steely glare, which I tried to ignore. I looked around for James as I saw her stomp over to me out of the corner of my eye.

"Who are you?" She demanded. My mind whirled trying to come up with a good enough lie, but like when someone asks you what you want for Christmas, I forgot everything.

"I—uh—"

"I am Prince James of the noble house of Potter, and this is my date, Duchess Lily Evans. How may I help you?" James asked, appearing at my side as though he sensed I was in trouble. I tried to keep a straight face, which was heard what with James' adopted accent and the woman looking like she had swallowed a lemon.

"Prince James Potter? I'm afraid I've never heard of you," she said with false sweetness.

He cast her a disapproving look as he turned his nose up at her. "Well, madam, I cannot help that you don't possess worldly and cultural knowledge, now can I?"

Her face turned a splotchy red as she stared clearly embarrassed at James. "I apologize, Your Highness. I am terribly sorry if I offended you. I am usually very involved with worldly affairs, and you must have slipped my mind. I'm terribly sorry."

James wrapped his arm around my shoulder and drew me closer to him protectively. "It's quite all right. Now, if you'll excuse us, I believe we must be going."

He nodded at her politely as he moved us away and closer to the dance floor near the stage. A band was playing a slow song, but it was nearly over so we didn't join in.

I smacked James' chest with the back of my hand lightly. "Really, Potter? A Duchess and a Prince?"

"What?" He asked defensively.

"We didn't have to be _royalty_. There's bound to be someone here who's gonna know we aren't who we say we are."

"Then we'll figure it out if that happens. Now come on, enjoy yourself. Act all posh and snobby. After all, you _are _royalty."

I opened my mouth to reply, but just then the song ended and the lead singer started to speak. "Our next one is a little old, but a classic. Give it up for Al Jolson!"

The familiar beat of _Swanee_ started, causing James to pull me out onto the dance floor. The other guests had gone to get food and drinks and use the restroom, so it was just us in the center of the bright spotlight.

"You know how to foxtrot, Evans?" James cried over the music. I gave him a look that told him that I obviously did. "Then try to keep up, will ya?"

He pulled me close and I wrapped my arms around his neck as the words to the music started. Our dance started out slow, but gradually became faster and faster until the people around us became a blur.

I've been away from you a long time/I never thought I'd miss ya so/Somehow I feel, your love is real/Near you I wanna be.

I grinned at James, who smiled back. "Thanks for taking me, James."

"Thanks for coming easily. I would've kidnapped you if you had said no," he teased.

The Birds are singing it is songtime/The banjos strumming soft and low/ know that you yearn for me to swanee you're calling me.

"I would've thought you would bring Sirius to crash a fancy party."

He shook his head. "Not tonight."

As I stared into his hazel eyes behind his glasses, I felt the urge to finally tell him how I felt. The secret had been bubbling up inside me for months, bursting to get out. I would always find a ton of excuses not to tell him and would talk myself out of it in the end, but not his time. This time for some reason, I couldn't find a reason not to tell him. I had waited long enough and it was time.

Swanee-how I love ya, how I love ya/My dear old swanee/I'd give the world to be among folks in D-I-X-I-E-ven though my mammy's waiting for me/praying for me down by the swanee/The folks up north will see me no more when I get to that swanee shore.

"James, I need to tell you something."

The singer started whistling like a bird, loud and clear, so that I couldn't get a word in. James looked at me curiously.

I love the old folks at him/Swanee-how I love a, how I love ya/My dear old swanee. I'd give you the world to be among/The folks in D-I-X-I-E-ven though my mammy's waiting for me/praying for me down by the swanee.

"James, I'm in love you," I blurted. His eyebrows shot up and I suddenly became seriously dizzy. Slowly we came to a stop in the middle of the floor. "And I have been for a while now."

The folks up north will see me no more when I get to that swanee shore.

And then his lips were on mine, and we were kissing. Our lips moved together in a sort of frenzy, fitting together perfectly. Neither of us cared that there were adults all around us. We were caught up in each other. It was bliss, better than anything I had ever felt in my entire life.

And then it was over. And we were staring at each other, green into hazel, in our own little world, not caring about anything but each other.

And I swear to God there were fireworks.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: And I'm back! I'm dreadfully sorry it took this long to update, and I'm going to try really hard to make sure it doesn't happen again. The chapters are going to get somewhat longer now, so it might take longer for me to update despite me being on summer break because I have a busy schedule with sports. Despite my schedule, I promise I won't abandon this! So, that being said, thank you to all who reviewed, followed, and favorited. And to the reviewer who asked...that was indeed a Starlight reference :)**

**Chapter Eleven**

September 19, 2012

_"Excuse me?" I asked._

_ "You're lying. You can't be Lily Evans," the old man sputtered. I looked around for help; this man was really creeping me out. But for some reason, there was an air of familiarity about him that I couldn't place._

_ I pulled my driver's license and showed it to him. "I'm not lying. Who even lies about their name, anyway?"_

_ He looked back and forth between my license and me. "People who are trying to cause trouble, that's who."_

_ I put my license back in my wallet and took a step back. "Well, I can assure you I'm not trying to cause trouble. Now, if you'll excuse me…"_

_ He suddenly lunged forward and grabbed my arm. His hand was cold and his eyes were pleading and afraid. I wrenched my arm out of his grasp and took another step back, looking all around for someone who could help. Of course with my luck we were alone._

_ "Please, I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable. I just haven't heard your name in years," he explained, sitting back in his chair with a tired look on his face. "I'm Ted."_

I was talking to Alice in front of the bike rack when I felt James slip his warm hand in mine. I instinctively leaned into his touch, feeling a smile creep onto my face from him just being there.

"You guys have been together for less than two weeks and I'm already getting sick of you," Alice teased. I looked up to see that James had the same content smile on his face that I did.

"Well, you better get used to it because I'm not gonna let her go anytime soon," James said, pressing a kiss to my temple. "And Lils…are we still on for tonight?"

"Indeed we are," I replied. "Can't wait."

"Where are you guys going?" Alice asked.

"This idiot won't tell me," I grumbled. James chuckled and rolled his eyes.

"I told you, Lily, it's more romantic that way."

"I hate surprises."

"But you'll love this one."

"If I don't you owe me a second first date."

"I'll go on fifty first dates with you, but I won't need to because you'll love the first first one."

"And I'll love it even more if I actually know where I'm going and what I'm doing," I countered.

James opened his mouth, but Alice cut across him. "Okay! Jeez, you guys argue more than an old married couple."

_"I don't know any Teds," I said, backing towards the exit. Ted cut me off with a swift move with his wheelchair._

_ "Please, I mean you no trouble. It's just…I've seen you before. In a picture," Ted explained. _

_ I chuckled nervously. "Maybe a customer of the week picture? I'm in here all the time…"_

_ "No. Please, let me show you. I have to show you. For my father."_

_ "Your father? No offense, sir, but I don't think I was ever really alive to see your father. Now if you'll please just let me by…"_

_ Again, Ted grabbed my wrist. "No! You don't understand—"_

_ "Grandpa, are you bothering Lily?" a voice said from behind me. I breathed a sigh of relief, removed my arm from the old man's grasp, and turned to see my savior._

_ It was Cody, a freshman from school and the owner's son. I had never talked to him in my life, but I had seen him around the shop occasionally straightening books or wiping down shelves. He was tall, had the lean frame of a runner, had a mop of light brown hair, and wore a Captain America sweatshirt and beat-up Converse._

_ "Sorry, Lily. Grandpa Ted just gets a little wound up sometimes," Cody explained as he set a stack of books on the counter beside me. "Grandpa, Mom wanted me to tell you that she's ready out front to take you home."_

_ "I need to finish with Lily—"_

_ "You can talk to her another time. Let's go," he said as he started to wheel Ted out. A few moments later he returned with a small apologetic smile on his face._

_ "Sorry about him. He's a little off sometimes with his old age," Cody said. "I don't think we've properly met. I'm Cody, the owner's son."_

_ "I know who you are," I said as I shook his hand. "I'm Lily Evans. But you already knew that."_

I grinned. "Tired of us yet?"

"Please, you guys argued ten times worse than this for years before you got together. The only difference is now you're being all couple-y in front of me," Alice scoffed.

Just then, the morning bell rang. Alice quickly ran off to find Frank, her boyfriend of six months, and James gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before walking away. I grabbed his shirt sleeve before he could go and pulled him in, pressing a hard kiss against his lips.

"Please tell me what we're doing for our date," I whispered as I pressed my forehead against his. He chuckled lightly before pulling away.

"No way. See you at lunch, Lils."

Four dreadful periods later, I found myself sitting at our usual spot outside with Alice and Frank with the Marauders nowhere in sight. I grew more and more irritated by the minute, so by the time I had reached my boiling point ten minutes later Alice was giving me a weird look.

"Are you ok?" She asked slowly.

"What d'you mean? Of course I'm ok," I replied as I swallowed my food.

"Lily, it looks like you're waging a battle against your sandwich crust," Frank laughed. I looked down to see that he was indeed right; there was a scattered pile of crumbling bread crusts all around me, looking like fallen mutilated soldiers.

I brushed my crumbs off before speaking. "Any ideas where the Marauders are?"

"Right here, love," Sirius said as he plopped himself down next to me, grabbing an apple out of his lunch pail and taking a huge bite out of it. "Miss me?"

"I went crazy with longing," I said sarcastically. "Where's James?"

Sirius grinned as he took another bite. "He's coming. He just had to have a little chat with Mrs. McGonagall."

Just then, Remus and Peter joined our group.

"What took you guys so long?" Alice asked.

"We, uh, got held up at the end of class," Remus answered. "No big deal."

I felt a pair of lips press themselves to the top of my head and an arm slip around my shoulders as James sat down on my other side. "Hey, Lily. Sorry I'm late."

"Where were you?" I asked, squeezing his hand. "And don't tell me you got held up at the end of class, because I want the whole story."

James took a deep breath. "Ok, Lily, I got good news and bad news."

I rolled my eyes. "Good news."

"Good news is I've just broken a school record."

"Ok, what's the bad news?"

"The school record is for detentions and I won't be able to make our date tonight," he said quickly, almost too quickly for me to hear. I smacked his shoulder.

"You idiot! James Potter, you have single-handedly ruined our first date!" I cried as I smacked him again. He moved away from me as he rubbed his shoulder.

"Ouch! Jesus, woman, you do pack a punch. I'm sorry! You don't even know how disappointed I am!" He said sadly. "I promise I'll make it up to you! I swear!"

I found that I couldn't look at him without wanting to hit him, so I got up and brushed off my dress. "I need to go to the restroom. Excuse me."

"Lily! I said I was sorry!" I heard James call as I stalked away. I rolled my eyes and squared my shoulders as I continued walking. Stupid James. Trust him to leave me in suspense and get my hopes up for this stupid date only for him to cancel on me.

* * *

I was sitting in History writing insulting and disparaging haikus about James two periods later when an idea struck me. If James couldn't bring me on a date, I would have to bring the date to him.

In short, I would have to land myself a detention, preferably for today after school. The problem was I only had a period and a half left to do it. I had never gotten a detention on purpose before and wasn't really sure how to do it. Sure, I had seen the Marauders do it loads of times in hundreds of different ways over the years, but I couldn't actually picture myself pulling any of those stunts. It's like when you randomly don't remember actually waking up in the morning, only the fact that you had to have because you're awake and thinking about it now.

_"Yeah, I've seen you around in school," he nodded. "So, if you don't mind me asking, and you can tell me if I'm being nosy, but what was my grandpa bugging you about?"_

_ "Oh, no, it's fine. He was just going on about me being impossible and he knows me from somewhere or something like that," I said, waving him off. "He must've had me confused for someone else."_

_ The conversation reached a lull as I checked my phone and Cody chewed on his thumb nail, which already looked pretty worn down. Finally, after several seconds of this, I looked up and gave him a smile._

_ "I have to go; my mom just texted me," I said. Complete lie. "I'll see you around though, ok?"_

_ He nodded. "See you around."_

Eventually, though, I came up with something. However, as I was in History with Mr. Binns, who wouldn't care if I walked out of class right now, I had to wait until next period with Mr. Flitwick. While Flitwick liked me well enough, he was strict and knew when to draw the line. And what I was planning would _definitely _cross it.

I had been ignoring James since lunch, but that didn't stop him from trying to get my attention all through class. I had made sure he couldn't sit in his usual seat next to me, so he was sitting behind me, which was both good and bad. At first it was irritating because I was mad at him and he kept tapping me with his pencil and tugging on my hair, whispering my name and trying to get my attention.

However, once I had formulated my plan, I couldn't help but smile, and thanked God he was sitting behind me and couldn't see my face. I wanted him to think I was mad at him for as long as possible in order to get the best reaction.

* * *

By the time I was in my next class, which none of the Marauders except Sirius were in, I had started to get nervous about this whole thing. It would require some begging, which I hate, and some lying, which I didn't _hate _per se but don't love either.

"Sirius, I need a favor," I said quietly. He looked up from his half-finished but highly detailed drawing of a penis on his desk and gave me a flirtatious grin.

"Let me guess…you want to make out with me because you're sick of Prongs' crappy technique?" he asked lazily.

"Yes and no," I said, laughing at his expression. "And how would _you _know James has a crappy technique? Is there something I need to know? Is Prodfoot a thing?"

He snorted. "Obviously Prodfoot is a thing, and I give you props for a creative couple name, but what do you mean by _yes and no_?"

* * *

I wiped my lips off on my sleeve for what seemed like the hundredth time during the last ten minutes. My last class of the day had just ended and I was on my way to the trophy room to begin my detention with James. Sirius had gotten a detention too, but he apparently had plans today so he ditched. Even if he didn't have plans I would've forced him not to go because as much as I love the love-hate relationship we have going on, I don't want him there.

I pushed through the trophy room door and walked in, slamming the door behind me and causing James to jump about a foot in the air. He whipped around and looked at me, extremely confused.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, not rudely. I tossed my bag on the floor and walked toward him with a grin.

"Detention, of course."

His eyes bugged out and his mouth dropped open. "What? Detention? How—I mean why—what happened?"

"I decided about halfway through History that I wasn't mad at you anymore and that rather than complain about you getting yet _another _detention, I should just make the best of it by joining you," I explained as I walked closer. "So during Flitwick's class I, uh, did some unsavory things and landed myself a detention. So here I am."

He pushed his glasses further up his nose and crossed his arms. His brow was furrowed, but a ghost of a grin was hiding in his lips. "What unsavory things?"

I kicked the ground with the toe of my shoe and avoided making eye contact. "Oh, you know…I mean, Sirius helped, and agreed to it actually…it wasn't really that bad, to be honest…"

He raised his eyebrows. "What did you do?"

"Promise you won't be mad?"

"At you, promise. No promises for Sirius."

I nodded. "As I expected. I, uh, might have maybe kissed and been very hand-sy with Sirius in the middle of class…"

James' face was expressionless. Yeah, my idea was absolutely stupid, but I honestly didn't realize it until now. At the time, all I could think about was that my window of opportunity was shrinking fast and that I could always get Sirius involved because he's always up to anything. But now I felt awful and the growing dread rising in my stomach and throat like bile was making me want to throw up.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay."

"Are you mad?" I asked, confused and nervous.

"Um, a little."

"At me?"

"I don't want to ruin our first date."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Can we please forget about it then?"

"I was hoping we could."

I had never felt this awkward with James in my life. Even when I couldn't stand him, it was never this awkward. At least back then I was usually annoyed with him so there was something to argue about. Even when we started dating we always had something to talk about; something to say. This was uncharted territory, and I can't say I liked it, so I silently thanked God when Mr. Filch, the custodian, shuffled in with cleaning supplies.

"Just you two, eh? Where is Mr. Black?" Filch grunted as he regarded us with squinted eyes.

"I don't know," James and I said simultaneously. Filch shook his head as he dropped the cleaning supplies down none too carefully.

"Po'er knows the drill," he said as he shuffled back out the door and slammed it behind him.

"He's always such a treat," James said sarcastically. I snorted, causing the corners of his lips to turn up into an almost-smile.

"So what're we doing?"

"Why did you kiss Sirius?" he blurted. I sighed.

"I couldn't think of any other way to get into detention, to be honest. I dunno, I guess I just had a brain fart or something. It's not like I enjoyed kissing him, you know. He's too…I dunno…gropey for my tastes."

James winced. "I really didn't need that mental picture, thanks."

I laughed and reached down into the supply bucket to grab a wet wash rag. "So…are we good?"

He bit his lip. "I think so. As long as you didn't enjoy it."

"Oh, no, it was awful. You're a lot better, James," I said, laying the flattery on thick and smiling to myself as I watched him swell up with rediscovered confidence. I wrapped my hands around his neck as I stepped closer, making sure the rag didn't touch his skin.

He grinned in self-satisfaction as he leaned in to kiss me. His eyes drifted shut as he drew closer and closer—

I wrung out my wet rag over his head, soaking him. The water dripped down his hair, making it appear to be almost purple in the light, and onto his face and glasses, making him sputter as he jumped out of my reach.

I laughed as he wiped off his glasses, not even bothering to try to fix his hair. "What the hell?!"

I grinned at him as I tossed the rag back into the bucket. "What's wrong, Potter? Angry over a little _water_?"

Suddenly, he ran forward, grabbed a handful of soaked rags, and started running toward me. With a shriek, I kicked off my shoes and tried to avoid him as I ran around the room. Our yelling and laughter echoed off the walls, making it sound ten times louder than it actually was.

Kicking off my shoes because they weren't comfortable to run in quickly proved to be a poor decision as my stockings caused me to slide uncontrollably around the polished hardwood floors. I was quickly caught and cornered by James, who wrapped an arm around my waist as he dumped the contents of the rags all over me.

I gave a cry of indignation as the ice cold water hit the top of my head and ran down my face, neck and back, causing my clothes to get wet as well. Once the water had cleared from my eyes, I looked to see James' smiling face two inches in front of mine. Rolling my eyes, I leaned forward and kissed him.

It was wet, of course, and tasted like dirty water, which sucked, but overall it was fantastic, just as it usually was. I meant what I said when I told James that he was a much better kisser than Sirius. While Sirius without a doubt had more experience than James, he was much more aggressive and passionate, while James put more tenderness and humor into it.

Not that I thought any of this while I was kissing him. I had actually found it impossible to think while kissing James Potter, no that I minded. While I couldn't think, I could definitely _feel_.

One of his arms was wrapped around my lower back, pulling me to him, while his other hand rested at the nape of my neck, tangled in my hair. My hands, originally flat against his chest, were creeping up to his hair, which was already starting to dry and was messier than usual.

I'll probably never get used to kissing him. That feeling in my stomach, like a million fireworks are going off, and that light-headed feeling, and the way all my senses are sharpened. He didn't wear a lot of cologne, but now it was all I could smell, filling my nose with his familiar musky scent.

His hair was softer than anything I'd ever felt in my life; I could run my fingers through it forever. I moaned as he gripped me tighter to him, pulling me flush against his body and closer than I thought possible. I could feel his muscles flexing and stretching and moving through his shirt, could feel the oxygen enter and leave his lungs and the blood rush to the surface of his skin. My heart was beating fast, and I could feel his too against my chest. It was like we were one.

But, as it always does, breathing became an issue. I pulled back, but neither of us changed the position we were in for several moments.

"I really don't think this is what Filch meant when he said you knew the drill," I chuckled. James gave me a smile as we unwrapped ourselves from each other.

"Yeah, no. I'd be getting detention a lot more often if it was."

I wiped some excess water off of my face and combed my fingers through my hair in an attempt to fix what James had done. "What'd you even do to get a detention this time anyway?"

"Oh, it was just a misunderstanding in gym," he explained, dismissing it with a wave of his hand and a shake of his head. I gave him a look. "I tied myself to the rope near the top and had the other Marauders fly me around while I made airplane noises."

I stared at him, incredulous. "You're such an idiot."

"One of my many endearing qualities."

"And you're humble too," I teased. I looked towards the supply bucket, which seemed to be mocking me with its existence. "I suppose we better get started on that."

James nodded. "It's really not that hard when you're not doing it by yourself. We basically just have to wash and polish all the school trophies."

I looked around at the vast amount of trophies around me and groaned. Our school was pretty old, so we had accumulated a lot of awards over the years. It looked like three hours work at least.

"Do you know how to polish?" James asked. I gave him a look.

"Do I know how to polish…" I muttered under my breath. "I think the question here is do _you _know how to polish, Mr. Moneybags?"

"Do _I _know how to polish?" He scoffed. "Lily, even if I didn't I would be amazing at it because look at me. I'm James Potter."

"If you're so good at it, why don't you prove it?" I challenged, fighting back a smile. James looked so serious.

"What, you wanna challenge me? Me, who has polished these trophies more times than you can count? Against you, who has probably polished the family silverware probably once or twice in their life?"

"Oh, it's on, Potter," I said as I grabbed some of the supplies.

"What are the rules?"

"As if you'll actually follow them."

"True," he smirked. "What are the _guidelines_?"

"Whoever polishes the most at the end wins. And it has to be like _actually _done well or it doesn't count. The winner—"

"The winner gets to pick what the second date is."

"Assuming there _is _a second date, of course."

"Of course."

"So…let's start, shall we?"

"What, you want to get the loss over with, then?"

"Yeah, I don't want you feeling bad for too long," I answered with overly sweetly. He grinned and grabbed some supplies out of the bucket and walked to a separate side of the room.

"Do you want me to give you a head start?" he called over. "To make it more fair for you, you know."

"Such a gentleman," I pretended to fawn. "On the count of three, okay?"

"One…Two…"

"Three."

_All in all, it was a weird encounter. Cody was more social than I had heard he was, but maybe it's just because he wasn't in school. As for Ted, I'm actually pretty curious about the whole "you're impossible oh my God you can't be real!" thing. I'm positive I've never seen him before today, but there was something familiar about him, like we'd met somewhere before. I don't know. It's probably just because I'm around his family a lot and they look somewhat alike._

_ Even though I was utterly freaked out, I kinda want to know more about this whole thing. Maybe I'll ask Cody next time I see him. He seems like he would be helpful._

_Love,_

_Lily_


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Hopefully you guys haven't all abandoned this story since it's been so long since I last updated. I won't make excuses other than to say that my motivation levels are dangerously low and my procrastination levels dangerously high. Anyway, you all have my friend Rebecca to thank for this update, as she's been discreetly reminding me that I'm the author of an unfinished fanfiction. Basically it starts off with, "Hey, remember that one chapter where" and basically leads to "Yeah, you should update soon." so, here's to you, Rebecca. Thanks for getting me back on track. **

**Chapter Twelve**

_September 21, 2012_

_Dear Diary,_

_Don't you think it's kind of weird that I've been living in this town for God knows how long and going to that secondhand bookstore since I was moved here and I have no idea what Ted or Cody or that whole family's last name is? Like it completely slipped my mind, and I haven't found that at all strange until now. Looking back, I feel like at one point or another I knew what their last name is, but I can't for the life of me even remember the first letter or how it sounded. Well, thank God I live in 2012 because I have millions of resources at my disposal (AKA Google), so the mystery can be easily solved._

I slid into the desk next to Alice as the bell rang. Mr. Binns was still standing with his back to us at the blackboard, writing down seemingly useless facts in his nearly illegible print. "Hey, d'you wanna do something tonight? Like a girls' night out?"

Alice put down her pencil and looked at me with a grin. "Always. Where's James?"

"Oh, I don't know, some sports game the Marauders are all going to in the city. Where's Frank?"

She waved me off. "At home with his mom, studying probably. He's kind of a mama's boy."

I laughed. "Never would've guessed that. So, movies?"

"It's a date."

Suddenly, James slid in the desk behind me, closely followed by Sirius and Peter.

"I'm sorry," he whispered close to my ear, making me shiver. "Did I hear you were going on a date?"

"With a woman, no less?" Sirius piped up gleefully. "Can I watch?"

I rolled my eyes. "Shut up. Peter, you better keep an eye at them at the game tonight. I don't think Remus can handle them both at a big event like this."

"I got it under control. Mostly," Peter said with a wink. Next to Remus, Peter was the most responsible of the Marauders. Unlike Sirius and James, he had some self-control when it came to pranking, though he didn't always voice it.

"So what d'you wanna see tonight?" Alice asked, lowering her voice slightly as Mr. Binns turned around to start the lesson. He had been at Hogwarts as long as anyone could remember, and never seemed to age.

I tried to ignore James' fingers ghosting over the back of my neck and his warm breath tickling my ear. "I kind of wanted to see Manslaughter. I think it's playing at like six tonight."

Alice wrinkled her nose. "Manslaughter? I heard it was awful."

"Yeah, it is. But I also heard that it was so bad it was good and that Tommy Meighan is in it, so I really think we should see it," I explained, fighting back the shiver running up my spine from James' touch.

"Tommy Meighan?" Sirius asked. "Isn't he like…old?"

Alice and I gave him a look. "He's like fine wine, Sirius. He gets better with age."

"Plus he's only like forty three," Alice added. "And looks amazing in a uniform."

The Marauders shook their heads. "Women."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Oh, like you guys don't have actresses that you have a slight obsession with."

"Please," Sirius scoffed. "We're much more dignified than that."

"Mary Pickford," Peter coughed. Sirius glared and smacked him in the back of the head while we all laughed.

"My admiration for Mary Pickford is strictly professional," he said. "I value her purely for her dedication to her field."

"Yeah, that and her rack," James added with a smirk.

"Shut up Prongs."

_I sat down at my desk and pressed the power button on my Mac, anxiously waiting for it to load. After a few agonizingly long seconds, my desktop, a picture of a devastatingly gorgeous David Tennant greeted me. I put my headphones on and put my music on shuffle, not really listening but needing a distraction._

_My head slightly shaking to the beat of Muse's "Resistance," I typed in the store's name, "Let's Book It," quickly becoming disappointed when I only found sites for booking vacations, Urban Dictionary, and the occasional YouTube video._

_Leaning back into my chair, I sighed. This was going to be harder than I thought. I couldn't understand why they didn't have a store website. I mean, this is 2012 we're living in, the digital age of social networking. It was probably because the store had been opened decades ago and no one had gotten around to doing it, but still._

_ With rapidly decreasing interest, I added our town name to my search, which yielded no store website, but instead a map of how to get there, which obviously wasn't at all helpful. Rolling my eyes, I exited out of the internet and stared at David's picture._

_ "This whole thing would be a lot easier if I had a TARDIS," I muttered, pulling my box of yearbooks out from under my desk. I assumed Cody would have the same last name as Ted, well, I was hoping and praying that he would. I could feel my old friend procrastination creeping up behind me and starting to give me his familiar embrace, so I had to get this done and figured out before I completely lost my motivation._

"So how was the movie?" James asked the next day as I closed the door to the general store behind me. He was wearing a dark green apron and a clean white button down that accentuated his broad shoulders and made him look extremely attractive. His hair looked like it had been combed to the side, but over time it had settled itself back on top of his forehead. I liked it better that way, anyway.

I crossed the floor and placed a kiss on his lips. "Delightfully terrible. There was an orgy."

"In the theater?" James asked, raising his eyebrows. I rolled my eyes.

"In the movie, you dolt. How was the game?"

"Delightfully terrible," he quoted, dodging my impending slap to his shoulder. "Just kidding. We won."

"You didn't get into any trouble, did you?"

"_I _didn't. Sirius got drunk and almost got arrested, but other than that we were perfectly behaved."

I leaned in on my elbows until I could count the colors in his eyes. "When do you get off?"

"Eh, around third base or so," he replied, looking thoughtful. "But I can hold out for a homerun if I need to."

I let out an exasperated sigh and shoved him by his forehead away from me. "Get your head out of the gutter, Potter. I was talking about your shift."

"Five," he said with a grin, fixing his hair. "You wanna do something after?"

"I was thinking dinner at the Three Broomsticks."

"Sounds good to me. Are you gonna stick around until then?"

"Might as well," I replied, looking up at the clock. We had an hour.

_The last time Cody and I had been in the same school was in elementary school, so I quickly grabbed my fourth grade yearbook and thumbed through the somewhat sticky pages, wincing as I happened upon the frizzy haired freak with the face splitting grin that was me at age ten. _

_ At last I found Cody mixed in with the other gap-toothed first graders. He looked a lot more put together than the other boys his age with his neatly combed hair and moderately straight teeth, although a little shrimpy compared to the rest._

_ But I was getting distracted. With growing anticipation, I scrolled down the list of names. Abbott, Aubrey, Arnold, Bones, Cripke, Crabbe, Finch, Granger…Lupin. Cody Lupin. _

I lifted myself up onto the counter and swung around to the other side. James walked forward and trapped me between his legs, putting one hand behind my neck and pulling me forward until our lips met. I curled my hands into his collar and pulled him closer still, smiling against his lips. The kiss was sweet and tasted like the little root beer candies that James kept behind the counter. I could feel the rough texture of his pants rubbing against my thighs, hurting only a little and not enough to matter.

His other hand, the one not tangled in my hair, was braced against the counter next to me, and his thumb was making small circles on the outside of my knee, inching higher and higher up my leg until it had reached the hem of my dress. By this point he had coaxed my mouth open with his tongue and engaged me in a hot, slow erotic dance.

I was lost in the overpowering taste and smell of him, something that I could only describe as _James_. It was wood and rain and freshly mown grass and smoke and _him_. So lost was I that I didn't realize his hand had crept to the bottom of my underwear until I felt his thumb pressing into me, sending a jolt through my core.

I groaned into his mouth as I tightened my hold on the now wrinkled front of his shirt. My hair was surely a mess from his ministrations, but that was one of the farthest things from my mind, along with breathing.

Breathing. It hadn't been an issue until I started thinking about it, and I use the term thinking lightly. More like it had drifted across the muddy haze that James' kiss had reduced me to. I tried to ignore it, tried to focus on his roaming hands, especially the one that had slipped beneath my now soaked underwear, but eventually I had to give in to my near bursting lungs.

I pulled back slightly, not opening my eyes and resting my forehead against his. His hands stilled and removed themselves to hold the sides of my face, thumbs drawing patterns on my cheeks.

"Lily."

I didn't open my eyes, didn't say anything.

"I love you, Lily."

_Lupin._

_ Lupin._

_ Lupin._

_ That would make his grandfather Ted Lupin, probably born in the 1940s. If I was doing my math right…_

_ Remus Lupin, if he had existed, could realistically be Cody Lupin's great grandfather. Lupin isn't a very common name. It's Latin, for one thing, and means wolfish. I mean, I could understand if it was a family of werewolves, but obviously this isn't the case. _

_ These "dreams" I've been having were way too vivid to be just dreams. They were like…memories. Memories of events I'd never experienced and never could because they took place ninety years ago. _

_ It couldn't just be a coincidence. Coincidences aren't this big. They're wearing the same shirt as your best friend without planning it. They're running into your teacher at the grocery store. They're __never__ something like this, something I couldn't describe to a stranger without looking like a whack job._

I felt the corners of my mouth quirk up and a warm feeling spread through my chest. It was the first time he had said this to me, after roughly four months of dating. I had known he loved me, of course. How could I not?

"I love you too, James."

Just then the bell by the door rang, signifying a new customer. James looked up and stepped away from me as I hopped down from the counter, giving whoever it was a wave. My cheeks reddening slightly as I turned around, knowing I basically had sex hair and hoping that the person wouldn't notice.

I rolled my eyes upon seeing that it was none other than Petunia, of all people. She was avoiding my eye contact, instead browsing the baking aisle with a dignified and pompous expression on her face.

"I hope I wasn't interrupting anything," she sneered, looking at James, who had plastered a forced and fake smile on his face. He might not be allowed to say anything because he would get fired, but that didn't mean that I couldn't.

"What do you want, Tuney?" I asked, ignoring her comment for fear that I would say something that would get me in trouble.

"Mother wants us to go to dinner tonight," she replied. "Vernon and I and you and that Potter boy."

"Um," James spoke up, gesturing to himself. "I'm right here. That Potter Boy, nice to meet you."

Petunia ignored him. "So, are you going or not?"

"James and I already have dinner plans tonight," I replied, placing my hand on top of his.

"Yes, but Mother insisted that it be tonight. Vernon and I had plans too, you know."

I rolled my eyes. "Fine."

She shrugged. "Dinner's at six, so you have time to…get dressed," she said, looking disdainfully at James' wrinkled shirt and my tangled hair. Giving me one last look of annoyance, she turned on her heel and left, the door snapping shut behind her.

"You don't mind, do you?" I asked hopefully, turning towards him. He had stepped closer without my noticing, so I was now trapped between the counter and him. He brushed a stray strand of hair out of my face and put his hands on either side of me.

"Not at all. I still get to have dinner with you, don't I?"

"But you have to endure my pompous sister and her whale of a boyfriend."

He shrugged. "It'll be funny, at least. I wonder how long it'll take until I manage to offend one of them."

I rolled my eyes. "Knowing Vernon, probably as soon as he sets his beady little eyes on you. He acts like he's a cut above the rest of us, but he's just a junior executive at a _drilling _company."

"Isn't that how they met? Petunia and Vernon?" James asked, pretending not to notice my fingers ghosting over his chest.

I nodded. "Tuney went to this typing course in the city. I don't think she wants to be a typist, though. She might just have gone to meet a man."

"Hey, I bet I can impress them with my magic tricks," he exclaimed with a grin. I shook my head.

"Since when are you into magic tricks?"

"Um, since my _whole life_. You just haven't had the pleasure of seeing me perform."

"Yeah, ok," I said, laughing. "You can impress them with your magic tricks. That'll go over great."

_My mind racing, I whipped out the school directory and flipped to the L section, quickly locating Cody and entering his address into my phone. I ran to the car and quickly started backing out of my driveway, hoping that he was home and not at some afterschool thing_

_On the drive over, I started rehearsing what I would say. How I would say it without sounding like a crazy person. Wondering if he would help me figure out what the hell was going on and why._

_Pulling up to his house, I found myself kind of hoping that this would turn out to just be a big freak coincidence after all. James was basically perfect, but he was just a dream. Even if he was real and I was like some sort of psychic, he would be long dead today. Because if James Potter was still alive today, he would be 107 years old._

James pulled up in his father's car at around 5:30 dressed in fresh white button down, black slacks, and a crimson red and gold striped tie. Petunia was gone, having moved into an apartment in the city with her friend Yvonne, whom she met in her typing course. She probably would be living with Vernon right now if she wasn't afraid of "living in sin."

Sliding into the front seat, I leaned over and pecked James on the cheek. "You look nice."

He eyed me in my emerald green dress. "And you look extremely sexy."

"Remember to be on your best behavior tonight," I warned somewhat teasingly. I might not get along with Tuney, but that didn't mean that I wouldn't try to not give her another reason to hate me.

"I'll impress them with my magic," he replied seriously. At my expression, he added, "You may not believe me now, Evans, but I've been known to seduce girls with the way I work the cards."

"Yes, because card tricks are _such _a turn on. I'll be fighting not to take you right there in the restaurant if you decide to show them your moves," I said sarcastically.

When we got to the restaurant, it wasn't difficult to spot my sister and Vernon. Petunia, dressed in a sickly peach colored dress, gave me a sour look upon seeing us, but didn't say anything, which is more than I can say for Vermin.

Dressed in a black suit that somehow made him look even more like a killer whale, he made a big show of checking his watch. "Would you look at the time? 6:07. Did your car break down along the way?"

James pulled my seat out for me and sat down , placing his napkin in his lap before answering. "Nope. Car's fine, traffic was bad. James Potter, by the way."

He stuck out his hand, which Vernon ignored. After a few moments of awkward silence, James retracted his hand and grabbed a menu instead. "So, what's good here?"

"You might like the steak, James," I murmured, scanning the menu myself. James opened his mouth to reply, but Vernon spoke before he was able to.

"Petunia," he said in a loud and pretentious voice, "Do you think I tipped the valet well enough?"

"Yes, of course. Very generous, Vernon, almost too generous," Petunia answered, her voice taking on the same tone. I rolled my eyes. This was going to be a long night.

"I normally don't use valet," Vernon said, turning to us, particularly James, "but I don't want my car to get stolen. It's a 1919 Oldsmobile, top of the line and in mint condition, of course."

James nodded disinterestedly, still reading the menu. Vernon, seeing this, grew visibly annoyed with a small vein beginning to form in his forehead.

_ I knocked on the door, pretending to text someone so I wouldn't look desperate. When the door opened, I tried to look up and casually flip my hair out of my face, quite unsuccessfully, I might add._

_"Lily?" Cody asked. "What are you doing here?"_

_"Oh," I said, slipping my phone in my pocket. "Hey. Do you mind if I come in?"_

_He stepped aside. "I guess. Sure. We can go up to my room."_

_Cody's room ended up being nerd central, decorated with Avengers and Lord of the Rings posters and littered with merchandise. He sat down in his desk chair and spun around to face me, gesturing for me to sit on his bed, which had a Captain America bedspread._

_"So what's up?"_

_"Is your grandpa's last name Lupin, by any chance?"_

_ He gave me a weird look. "Um, yeah. Ted Lupin. Why?"_

_ Throwing caution to the wind, I spilled my whole story to him, explaining the dreams vaguely except to say how vivid and detailed they were. All the while Cody's eyes never left mine and his expression never differed from one of interest._

"What sort of car do you drive, Potter?" he asked in a condescending voice. James looked up from his menu and slipped his hand onto my knee under the table.

"I actually don't own a car," he replied, either not noticing or ignoring Vernon's triumphant and snobbish expression.

"You must be on unemployment benefit, then," Vernon asked rudely. I would have come out of my chair and throttled him had James not pressed his hand down on my knee, wordlessly telling me he would handle it.

"I haven't even graduated high school yet. Plus I have a pretty great job in management, so I don't think I'll be living on unemployment anytime soon."

Petunia gave out a bout of laughter. "He's the cashier in the general store in my hometown, Vernon."

Vernon laughed, showing off his yellow walrus-like teeth. "No good source of income and no car, eh, Potter? I hope you have a good plan for the future, because the odds certainly are not in your favor."

"Actually," James said, taking a sip of his water, "I do own a Landry, so I'm not completely without transportation."

"A Landry?"

"A Landry. Gorgeous, top of the line with not a scratch on her. They ride extremely smooth and have great durability."

"Really."

"Really. They're brand new, all of them, but I expect they'll be a household name in the future," James explained proudly. I took a big drink of water to fight the laughter that was threatening to escape.

"And this is a motorbike, correct? I remember reading about them in the papers," Vernon said, smoothing the fabric of his suit over his large stomach.

James shook his head. "A bicycle, actually. I got it from the Easter Bunny a few months ago."

I choked, almost spitting my water all over the table. James, somehow, was looking at Vernon with a perfectly straight face, while the latter looked like he was about to pop a vein in anger. Petunia's mouth was hanging open, displaying her horse-like teeth, and her unusually long neck was red and splotchy.

The waiter walked up just then, pad and pencil in hand. "May I take your order?"

We all ignored him, instead staring between James, who was looking expectant, and Vernon, who seemed to be on the verge of murdering James on the spot.

"I've had just about enough of you, Potter," Vernon spat through his teeth. James took off his glasses and wiped the spit off with his napkin.

"Terribly sorry, Dursley. Let's start over, shall we?" James said, extending his hand once more. Vernon again ignored it, but this time James left it there, creating a tension at the table. I snuck a look at Tuney, who only sighed and glared at me when she noticed me looking.

"May I interest you in a magic trick?"

That did it. Vernon's face exploded in angry hues of red and purple as the vein pulsed like it was alive. He stood up, pulling Petunia with him.

"That's it! I've had enough of you, _Potter_," he shouted, drawing attention from the nearby tables. Throwing his unused napkin down on the table, he stormed out of the restaurant with Petunia in tow, never once looking back.

I felt James and half the restaurant staring at me as I looked down into my lap, tears threatening to spill over. I may not get along with Tuney and I may hate her choice in boyfriend, but she was still my sister and I hated the fact that we weren't on good terms. She was my best friend when we were little, and even though most of me expected dinner to turn out this way, a small part of me hoped that maybe this could be the start of us being sisters again.

"Lily."

The first tear slid down my nose, messing up my makeup.

"I'm sorry."

Another tear, followed by another. They were coming faster now and I was unable to stop them, not that I tried. I felt James' arm snake around my shoulders, tentative that I would pull away.

"Lily, please talk to me."

I looked up at him, seeing my tear soaked and makeup stained face in his glasses. His face softened and he looked sad as he stared at me.

"I'll apologize to them, if you want," he offered quietly.

I shook my head and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. "No. It's ok. I don't want you apologizing to an idiot like Vernon Dursley anyway."

James gave me a half smile as he leaned forward and kissed my forehead. "I don't mean to be insensitive, but…why are you crying? I thought you hated your sister."

I sighed. "It's complicated. I'm not crying because of you, though."

"Good. God, Lils, I hate seeing you cry."

I wiped the remaining tears on the now blackened napkin. "I bet I look like a mess."

"Well…yes," he grinned. I punched him in the arm, starting to feel better. "Ouch! A beautiful mess, though."

"You have such a way with words," I exclaimed sarcastically.

He laughed. "Are you still hungry?"

My stomach growled. "A bit."

"Three Broomsticks?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

_"So," I finished, taking a breath. "What d'you think? Will you help me?"_

_ Leaning his elbows on his knees, he grinned. "I think we have some work to do."_

_With Love and Confusion,_

_Lily_


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Hey! Look at this! I've ACTUALLY managed to update pretty quickly! Hopefully this'll become a habit that sticks. Anyway, thanks as always for the reviews. They're better than firewhiskey. There's a slight trigger warning for this chapter. It's not rape...but it's kind of along those lines. You can just skip over it if you need to, I just don't know how easy it'll be. It's not very, if at all graphic. I just wanted to warn you guys.**

**Chapter Thirteen**

_September 24, 2012_

_Dear Diary,_

_ Cody called me today during lunch. I don't know how he got my number since I never gave it to him, but he sounded really excited and proud of himself when he told me to come over as soon as I could. When I asked him why he called me rather than just come up and talk to me, he told me he didn't want to be eavesdropped on, and he sounded like the fate of the world rested on our conversation being kept private._

"Oh God, James, you look awful," I exclaimed as I stepped into the Potter mansion. He was seated at the foot of the staircase, wrapped in a thick blanket and wearing a knit hat on top of his head. His nose was red, the only color on his otherwise pale face, and his lips were chapped and gray.

He glared at me. "Kick a sick man while he's down, why don't you. Nice to see you too."

"Sorry. You must be feeling terrible," I apologized, stepping closer. "I would kiss you, but, you know…"

He sighed. "This sucks. We were gonna go see the lights today."

The Christmas lights were always beautiful in the city. The Marauders and I had planned to go and make a day of it looking at the decorations and doing some Christmas shopping. Though I was sad that James obviously couldn't go, it kind of made it easier because now I could buy James' gift without having to hide it.

_I drove there after work at six to find Cody sitting on his front porch, doing this nervous tapping thing with his feet. He was dressed in an Avengers hoodie and shorts, and when I walked up I saw a big band aid on his knee._

_ "What happened there?" I asked, gesturing to the cut. He looked at it like he had never seen it before. _

_ "I fell in gym. Basketball," he explained, standing up. His fingers were tapping an unfamiliar rhythm against his thigh; his jitteriness reminding me of Andrew Garfield when he was in the Amazing Spider-Man._

_ "I didn't know you played basketball."_

_ "I don't. Anyway, wanna see what I found?" Cody asked, opening the front door and backing into his house._

"We can see them another time, okay? Just the two of us. Just focus on getting better, will you?" I said, leaning down and kissing his forehead. "I hate seeing you like this."

He leaned into my touch, his skin ice cold. "Such a cliché. _Focus on getting better_. I think if I focused any more I would look constipated."

"You're constipated, Prongs?" Sirius' voice rang out from the top of the staircase. He had been living with the Potters ever since we were fifteen and his parents kicked him out and disowned him, which left him much happier and less moody.

"Shut up, Padfoot. I'm too sick to think of a witty retort," James muttered, leaning his head against my leg. Sirius laughed.

"You can't blame your lack of wit on the sickness, mate. You can't lose what you never had."

James groaned. "Take him away, Lily. Try to push him in the river, if you can."

I laughed, grabbing Sirius' arm and dragging him towards the door. James was scrunched up in his blanket with the expression of a pouting five year old. As Sirius put on his coat, hat, and scarf, James ducked his head into the blanket so I could only see the top of his hat and some of his hair.

"Love you, James."

"Love you, too," he mumbled, so low I couldn't really hear and had to guess at what he was saying. Sirius opened the door for me, bowing like he was the doorman at some fancy hotel and really just being overdramatic as usual.

"M'lady," he said in a deep and bad accent. I curtsied.

"Thank you, good sir."

"Hey," James piped up. "Enough of that, Sirius, she's mine."

Sirius opened his mouth, probably to make fun of him, but one of the Potter's maids, an older woman who had been a nanny for James since he was little, appeared out of the parlor.

"James Potter, I swear to the Lord above if you do not get back in bed I will tie you down myself," she said angrily.

"Mm, kinky," Sirius snickered. The maid, I think her name was Mrs. Figg, smacked him with her feather duster.

"Don't you have somewhere to be instead of bothering myself and poor James?"

He nodded. "We were just leaving."

Mrs. Figg turned to me. "Bless you for being able to deal with these two day to day, Miss Evans."

I laughed, turning to follow Sirius out into the cold. "Thank you, ma'am. The key is to keep them separated."

She walked up to close the door behind us. I could see James sitting in the shadows at the top of the stairs, his hat now pulled down over his hair. "I'll keep that in mind. Have fun on your trip, you two. Be safe."

_"Um, sure. What is it?"_

_ "You know how weird it is that you're having dreams about my great grandpa, a man you've never met and who died before you were born? It's pretty weird, to put it lightly," he said, chuckling to himself. "When you told me your story a few days ago, at first I thought you were screwing with me. And by at first I mean the entire time. When I said we had work to do, I was just trying to get you out of my house. But __then__ last night something happened."_

_ He pushed open the door to his room, walked across the floor and sat in his spinny chair with his legs propped up on his bed. I sat down on his bed and curled my legs under me, leaning against the headboard._

_ "I was bored, sitting here spinning in my chair, when I remembered our conversation. I laughed to myself thinking how ridiculous that sounded, but since I was bored I figured I could at least __try__ to help you. So I went up to the attic and got these," he reached below his bed and pulled out three old-looking photo albums._

We met Remus and Peter at the train station. When we arrived, noses and ears red and toes slightly numb, we found them sitting on a bench playing snap. Judging by Peter's pile of cards, he was beating Remus pretty handily.

"Oh, is Prongs not coming?" Remus asked, glancing up at us. Sirius shook his head.

"Nope. Sick."

"It's not bad, is it?" Peter asked with concern.

"I don't think so. He decided to take a dip in the lake last night, so it's probably from that."

"That's _really _stupid," I rolled my eyes. "Why would he do that? It was like ten degrees last night!"

"Well," Sirius said, sticking his hands in his pocket. "I say he decided to take a dip. I meant I pushed him in."

"You're an idiot."

"A charming idiot, though," he said, raising his voice to he heard over the incoming train. "You know you love me."

"Oh, how did you know?" I swooned. "I'm only with James to get closer to you, Sirius!"

He held a hand up. "Please. While it is tempting, as you are a hot piece of ass, I could not do that to my dear comrade James. However, if you're ever bored with said comrade, my bedroom door is always open."

"I'll count down the days!"

Remus rolled his eyes while he helped Peter put the cards away. "I need new friends."

_I grabbed one and flipped it open, looking at black and white pictures of people I didn't recognize. "That's amazing! How far do they go back?"_

_ "The one you're holding…I think that's Grandpa Ted's. This one," he said, gesturing to a frayed leather album, "is from Great Grandpa Lupin."_

_ I traded the albums and opened the older one to the first page, careful not to break or rip anything. "Do you know what his name was?"_

The ride to the city was pretty uneventful for Marauder standards. With all the stops, it took about an hour and a half to get there, which was time we filled with playing cards, from snap to blackjack.

At one point, a little boy of about seven or eight joined us in playing rummy, successfully beating us all in minutes. And it wasn't like we were going easy on him, either.

"What's your name, kid?" Sirius asked in awe. The boy shuffled the cards and dealt them out again before answering.

"Stan. Stan Shunpike. An' you?" He spoke like his mouth was full of cotton, when in fact his teeth were just insanely crooked. Stan was a cute kid, I guess, though kind of frayed around the edges. He was dressed in a patched brown suit with scuffed leather boots, a crooked black bow tie, and a threadbare brown hat.

"We're the Marauders. Minus one, he's sick at home, but we have his girlfriend as a replacement. Sirius Black, at your service," Sirius said, sticking his hand out to shake.

Stan turned to look at me, eyeing me up and down. "You the girlfrien,' then? Mus' be a lucky man, your frien.'"

"Lily Evans, and yeah, I'd say he was pretty lucky," I said, laughing. Stan winked at me while Remus and Pete made their introductions.

"So where are you going?" Remus asked, taking off his coat.

"E'erywhere. My father's the conductor, see, so I've been comin' and learnin' the ropes fer when I'm the conductor one day," Stan explained as he took some of Sirius' cards. I doubt Sirius even heard what he was saying, for he had a look of deep concentration on his face that I had never seen on him before. He was so entranced with that game that he didn't even notice the girl that had to be a few years older than us making eyes at him.

"Conductor? Why would you wanna be a conductor?" Peter asked.

Stand glared at him. "Cos it's only the coolest job in the world. You ge' to go to all these places, an' they pay _you_! Who _wouldn't _wan' to be a conductor?"

We had no answer to that. The rest of our trip consisted of cards with Stan, which was basically getting our butts kicked by Stan, until his father, a tall, skinny man with thinning brown hair, came and told him to go back to his compartment and stop bothering us, which ended with Stan refusing and his father dragging him away, apologizing to us profusely.

_He scratched the back of his neck. "I dunno, it probably says on the back of the pictures. As soon as I found the albums I didn't do anything with them because I figured I'd wait for you."_

_ "Oh, ok," I flipped past the baby pictures, not recognizing anyone. "I thought cameras were really expensive back then."_

_ "Oh, they were. Typically people only got their picture taken for big events like weddings and christenings. That's why there aren't as many pictures from when my great grandpa was a baby and a kid," Cody explained, not looking up from his album. "They got cheaper in like the late twenties and early thirties."_

_ I glanced up at him. "How do you know all that?"_

_ He shrugged. "I read."_

_ "I found him," I announced minutes later, anticipation eating me alive. "Do you mind if I take it out?"_

_ "Not at all," he answered, dropping his book and joining me on the bed. I slipped the picture out as carefully as I could with my trembling fingers. I couldn't say anything; my throat was full of cotton. All I could do was stare._

"That kid's gonna make a great poker player one day," Sirius exclaimed as we were stepping off the train and onto the platform. It had started to snow, just hard enough that our boots sunk in a few centimeters. It was the kind of snow that felt like Christmas, and it made me wish James were here. I could picture it now: his nose still red, but not from sickness, and his face cold as he kissed me, the snow sticking to our hair and eyelashes and our breath visible in the wind.

"Hey, Lils, do you mind if we stop at this joke shop like three blocks away? For Christmas shopping purposes, of course," Sirius asked.

"Lead the way."

_It was Remus. I was sure of it. He looked a little older than from my last dream, but there was no mistaking it. The same smile, the same eyes, face, hair…everything. It was surreal._

_ "I think that's his senior portrait," Cody said, leaning over my shoulder. "Is that the guy you've been seeing?"_

_ "Yeah," I muttered, flipping it over to read the back. In faint, nearly illegible cursive read the name Remus Lupin, along with the date May 30, 1923._

_ "This just got a whole lot weirder," Cody exclaimed, moving off the bed to go back and sit in his chair. "And kind of impossible."  
"__Kind__ of impossible?" I gave him a look. "This is crazy! This is soap opera material!"_

_ "I would read the hell out of this if this was a fanfiction," he said with a half-smile. "But we'll figure it out. Promise."_

The walk there was cold, and I regretted bitterly being born a girl that had to wear skirts rather than pants, even when it was freezing. The wind whipped at my legs, my stockings, boots, and extra socks doing little to help. We would've taken a cab had we known that the wind would be this bad, but the store was only three blocks away and we were trying to save our money.

"All right, Evans?" Sirius called. He was leading our group, head bent down into his chest and his scarf tucked up over half his face.

"I'm fine. It's a little cold, though, don't you think?"

"Just a little."

We didn't talk the rest of the way there for fear that our chattering teeth would accidently bite off our tongues.

The store was kind of a hole in the wall, but nonetheless it had a great atmosphere. It was called Zonko's, owned by a family with history as clowns that went back to medieval times. I wish I was joking.

While Sirius and Remus were looking at stuff they thought James would like and Peter was in the bathroom, I was looking at the candy up at the front. I didn't have a lot of money on me and I didn't want to get James the same things that the other boys had gotten him, so I figured I couldn't go wrong with getting him a bunch of candy.

I told the boys I would meet them outside, but they were too engrossed in some new product to do much else but nod. I needed some fresh air, so with candy with weird names like chocolate frogs and acid pops jiggling in my bag, I exited the store.

I sat down on a nearby bench, crossed my legs, leaned my head back and closed my eyes. It was nice, sitting here. There wasn't a lot of noise, just the occasional car horn, so I was just alone with my thoughts.

_Suddenly, the door banged open, revealing a boy that looked to be a little older than me. His light brown hair was spiked and he was wearing jeans and a cut-off band shirt._

_ "Mom told me to tell—" he stopped upon making eye contact with me. "Who are you?"_

_ "What d'you want, John?" Cody sighed, exasperated. John was still staring at me, which was slightly unnerving._

_ "Um, Mom told me to tell you that dinner's ready…and will your attractive friend be joining us?" he asked, giving me a wink. I rolled my eyes. _

_ "It's Lily. Lily Evans," I said. He gave me a look of surprise._

_ "I remember you! We went to school together! You must be, what, a…senior now?" He looked at Cody with some grudging respect. "You bagged a __senior__, C-Man? Wow."_

_ "Don't call me C-Man. And no, Lily's just here for a project."_

_ "Yeah, ok," John said. "Listen, Lily, when you get tired of this loser my room is right across the hall."_

_ I gave him a disgusted look. "You're not my type."_

"Hey," a voice cried off to my left. I sighed. So much for peace and quiet. "Hey! Nice tits, lady."

I opened my eyes and glared at him. "Go bother someone else."

He had huge, broad shoulders and could be seen as attractive if you looked past his ugly complexion. He was flanked by his two cronies, both just as big as him.

"You don't have to be such a bitch," he said. "It's a compliment, learn to take one."

I ignored them, standing up and turning to go back into the store. Suddenly, one of them, the second in command probably, grabbed my arm and squeezed it tight. I could already feel a bruise forming. I wrenched out of his grasp.

"Get off of me! Leave me alone!"

He pulled me closer, the other two closing in around me. I was scared. My hands were shaking and I felt my chest seizing up. I was hot all over, I was burning, and I couldn't breathe. One of them started touching me, pushing my hair over my shoulder and touching my neck, his lips close to my collarbone. The others were moving us toward an alley, where we couldn't be seen as easily and my chances of getting out of this got slimmer.

"You're really hot, you know. I almost can't control myself," he said with a smirk. I struggled to get away as the others pulled at my coat, slipping it down over my shoulder and placing a hand over my mouth.

"Lily?" Peter's voice rang out. A wave of relief washed over me as I turned to see him. "Are you ok?"

I couldn't speak, the hand over my mouth was too tight, but that didn't stop me from fighting. I bit his hand hard enough to draw blood and screamed.

"What d'you want?" one of them sneered. Peter took a step forward. They were at least a foot taller than him.

"Come on, you guys. Let her go."

"Why should we?"

"Yeah," another piped up. "She was bitchy."

"You _really _don't wanna get on the bad side of her," Peter explained. What was he talking about?

"And why's that?"

"Her boyfriend. James Potter, perhaps you've heard of him?" I literally had no idea where he was going with this.

"No."

"Well, then you're lucky. Because if you gotta problem with James Potter, you gotta problem with his boss Johnny Turio. And you don't want that, do you?" I fought to choke back my laughter, fortunately with moderate success.

Johnny Turio was a mob boss, and the thought of James being involved in that was ridiculous. He might act tough and could hold his own in a fight, but James was just a small town suburban boy, born and raised.

"Yeah, right. Johnny Turio, my ass."

"That's fine," Peter shrugged, indifferent. "If you don't wanna believe me, that's fine. It's your life, not mine."

At this point Pete was nose to nose with this guy…well, nose to chest, really. "But when James Potter shows up at your front door and you wake up in a gutter, don't say I didn't warn you."

I could tell the boys didn't know what to do, didn't know what to believe, and I prayed that they would believe the lie that Peter seemed to so cleverly come up with on the spot. I prayed they were stupid enough, or slow enough to get away.

_John shrugged. "Your loss. Anyway, are you eating with us or not?"_

_ I shook my head and stood up. "I better get going. See you later, Cody."_

_ Cody sighed. "I'll walk you out."_

I was scared, as anyone would be. Scared to get raped or beaten or both. I was scared for Peter, scared that they would turn on him and kill him, because surely they could easily. I was scared that someone would find me in an alley somewhere, clinging to life. Scared that I wouldn't make it home.

So I prayed. I prayed to God that He would help me through this, or give me the strength to get through this myself. I had gone to church every Sunday since I was born except for the one time over the summer where I left for some time with James. Surely I wouldn't get punished for that, right? Surely the fact that I was still a virgin made up for that, right?

My thoughts weren't rational. I knew they weren't. There was a buzzing in my ears as my breathing got quicker and quicker. It registered in the back of my mind that I was having a panic attack. My vision was fuzzy as I sank down onto the ground of that filthy alley and cried.

"Lily?" Peter asked. "Lily, can you hear me?"

I didn't answer. I couldn't, I was so scared. The boys were gone, but I was still freaking out like a baby. God, I felt so _stupid_. I felt Peter put his arm around my shoulder and I fought to shrug it off, knowing he meant well, but there were shivers running up and down my spine that had nothing to do with the cold.

"Lily, they're gone. It's ok, I got you," Peter soothed. "We'll just…we'll just go home, alright? And we'll forget this, ok, Lily?"

"Thanks, Peter," I muttered. "For what you did."

"Anytime," he said, the corners of his mouth quirking up. "I'm kind of surprised, if I'm honest."

"What d'you mean?"

"That I stood up to them, you know? I mean…I've never done something like that before," Pete explained, smiling to himself. I still felt awful, like bugs were crawling under my skin.

"I know it's pretty obvious that I'm not really the best at anything. I'm not as athletic as Sirius and James and I'm not as smart as Remus. I can't get a lot of girls and I'm only popular because I'm part of the Marauders."

I didn't know where he was going with this, but I didn't mind him getting all of this off his chest. Whatever "this" was.

"But I'm actually ok with it. Yeah, I get really jealous sometimes. And sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough compared to them. But, honestly, Lily?" he looked up at me, expressionless. "They're the best friends I've ever had and they're nice to me and got me out of a tough spot when we were younger. So I may not be the best Marauder, but I'm still a Marauder for a reason, and I think that counts for something."

I nodded. I didn't know why Peter had just decided to spill all of this to me, maybe it was because he had just saved me, I don't know, but I was glad that he decided to share it with me. Out of all the Marauders, I was least sure that Peter approved of my relationship with James and like me in general. I had no reason to think that he didn't, but it's just an insecurity thing, you know?

_"Sorry about that," he said at the door. "John's…he's decent, most of the time. Just a douche around girls."_

_ "It's fine," I said, stepping onto the porch. "Um…I know you have my number…so, uh, text me if you find out anything else. And thanks. For everything."_

_ He nodded, running a hand through his hair and reminding me inexplicably of James. "I'll text you."_

_ "Cody! Kiss your girlfriend goodbye and come eat!" John's yelled from deeper in the house. Cody turned around and glared at him before turning back to me._

_ "I better go. Bye, Lily."_

_ "See you, C-Man."_

_ He rolled his eyes, shook his head and closed the door, a shadow of a smile on his face to let me know he wasn't really annoyed._

I wasn't feeling better. I probably wouldn't for a while. I won't forget what happened to me in this alleyway and it'll take a long time for me to heal, but I think I'll get there.

_ Sitting in the driveway, I plugged my phone in and looked through my playlist, finally settling on Al Jolson. I drove home with the windows down, blasting that old song and singing it at the top of my lungs. The sun was setting, my hair was all over the place, and pedestrians were giving me weird looks, but it didn't matter, because I finally had some answers, and I wasn't crazy._

_ For the most part._

_Cheers,_

_Lily_


End file.
